I've Been Officially Divorced with My Old Band

[ch willie]

And really, I'm all right with it. The guys in my old band reformed with another rhythm guitarist and presumably singer. At first, I had a twinge or two, but looking at it realistically, I realized 1) They're playing metal, and I'm just not into playing it and 2) They're all in their early to mid-20s; they don't need a 53 year old man playing with them. 3) The age difference meant a different approach to music, and they're all on the same page. I'm slightly jealous that I won't be playing with them live. 4) They hadn't planned it when we split. They talked about a recording project, so it's not like there was a conspiracy to get rid of me.

I'm still friendly with them all, even with the guitarist who joined the band then broke it up.

Ever have an amicable band split? Even "good break-ups" present challenges, so how would you handle them? Maybe I'm overthinking it all.

[Bill Moore]

I've had the band leader send the bass player over to fire me, only to call me the next week to play a job, (I made the leader came talk to me in person). I have also had to tell the others that i really didn't care for the music, and write me out when they found somebody else. I have even been fired from a band I worked with for years, (off and on), because I didn't show up to rehearse the tunes we had been playing the whole time.
All of these folks, I have later played with another time, either with a call from me needing their help, or them needing mine, no hard feelings.

[FrankJohnson]

I quit two bands - was let go once, and didn't like it (the way they did it).

So put my own band together, and bought enough PA to handle most any gig I would ever do locally. Now I deal with people quitting, wanting to play more - play less, replacements/subs, booking advertisement, learning new material on the fly with new guys/subs, etc

I like what I do - and have been very fortunate in that regard. Like bill, I don't have time to keep rehearsing all the material we already do again and again and again.

In a perfect world, you find a good fit, musically, ethically, mentally, financially, etc. some guys seem to find that - I have not. In my world - or the one I Think I am in anyway, we get a long, we have enough respect to recognize where we are for the most part, and work with each other. I try to keep the pressure low enough that it is fun, but up enough that everyone cares. Some people say "its just blues" and don't get it. I laugh and tell them....yeah.....Its JUST blues - thats right! So lets play it!

[S. Cane]

I know exactly how you feel.

Although I'm nowhere near as experienced as you are, these few years I've been playing with bands and I tell you, getting 4 or 5 dudes to think alike and get something done musically ain't easy.

And when the problem is the music itself, I mean genre, taste, how each one feels what the band plays, then there's no fixing. Better leave it.

About age... I'm 36, and all the others in my band are in their mid 30s as well. If I were to replace a bandmate, I'd rather play with someone older than with a 20 something kid who thinks he's a rock god, shreds like if he had 20 fingers, and doesn't understand that too much distortion is bad for classic rock... Ok, stereotype. My bad. But I do feel better when I play with musicians in theis 50s or 60s. These guys know what they like, they've actually "been there", they usually don't overdo anything and that's the style I like best.

On the other hand, and I always try to put myself in the other's situation... I think no 20 year-old guys' band would like to have me on the guitar, either. And I understand that. I like all my stuff to be as period correct as possible and I am definitely no shredder at all.

[smitty_p]

The last band I was in just sort of fizzled out due to scheduling issues.

I HATED that. I love to play out.

[ch willie]

Thanks for your stories.

It is difficult to find a bunch of guys who have the same musical destiny in mind, whatever that is.

I'm cool with not being in a band right now. It's not the right time for it. But I am starting to miss it. I think next time I'm in a band, I'll do it as a bassist--I love playing both guitar and bass, started off as a bassist. It would be a lot of fun to get the bottom end going again--not mine, the bass's.

[S. Cane]

Yeah, between guitar and bass, pick the one you like at that moment...

but keep playing. That's what matters to us music lovers.

You're a great guy, willie! One of the fellows I like and admire here at TFF, along with many others.

You too, Smitty

[dirtdog]

Sorry to hear that ch_willie. Sucks.

Just recently, my bandmates and I learned that our country band's BL booked a gig with subs, without the rest of us in the band knowing! BL had been obscuring that info for at two months as far as I can tell.

I pulled the plug when I learned of this and the drummer and guitarist were quick to follow. So, the BL effectively put us in a divorce situation. Lots of other nausea happening, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

We still have four gigs left on the books, last one 9 Oct. Will be interesting to see how these gigs play out.

Interestingly, after we all resigned, the BL offers us another well-paying gig happening before the last booked gig. Guess the hired guns were not available this time and he figured we were still "in". We told him, sorry, we're not available. This particular BL is pretty short sighted.

Fortunately, the three of us (bass, drums, guitar) revived our southern rock/outlaw country band without skipping a beat after the divorce! Always pays to have a couple of irons in the fire even if things get a bit frenetic at times!

[ch willie]

de Melo--mutual respect, my friend.

dirtdog--glad you and the guys landed on both feet.

I am actually going out to the drummer's to jam this weekend. Nice little invitation. Like I say, I get along with the guys. The drummer and I are pretty tight. Hell, I had them all over for grilling on Labor Day, and we played acoustics, drummer on bongos. There's no bad blood, just a twinge or two on my part. Even if they wanted me in the new band, I'd turn it down. I do wish them luck. They're talented and deserve a shot at making it.

[Doc W]

And really, I'm all right with it. The guys in my old band reformed with another rhythm guitarist and presumably singer. At first, I had a twinge or two, but looking at it realistically, I realized 1) They're playing metal, and I'm just not into playing it and 2) They're all in their early to mid-20s; they don't need a 53 year old man playing with them. 3) The age difference meant a different approach to music, and they're all on the same page. I'm slightly jealous that I won't be playing with them live. 4) They hadn't planned it when we split. They talked about a recording project, so it's not like there was a conspiracy to get rid of me.

I'm still friendly with them all, even with the guitarist who joined the band then broke it up.

Ever have an amicable band split? Even "good break-ups" present challenges, so how would you handle them? Maybe I'm overthinking it all.

Willie, after hearing about so many nasty band break-ups, this one sounds all good to me. They are into different music now and it isn't your thing. No offense to any rivet heads in the forum, but I would have breathed a sigh of relief if I had been the one excluded from the metal project. I imagine a younger player being excluded from 1930s country swing project and being greatly relieved! But age need not be a big deal. I have worked with musicians a lot younger than I am and it really depends on the project. In my church band, I take a lot of friendly ribbing for being ancient, but at the same time, the young ones often appreciate the experience and advice of older musicians.

The worst band rift I ever experienced was the time the band had to fire a bass player because he was drunk at every rehearsal and at every gig. He is bitter to this day and that was 25 years ago.

So what's next for you? Do you have other bands on the go?

[phantomman]

On the eve of an important audition about twenty years ago, our tosspot of a lead singer and frontman managed to blow up our PA at rehearsal then get himself locked up for DUI on the same night. Though he had a great set of pipes he’d been a PITFA for all of us ever since we let him into the band and rather than help raise his bail, we decided to buy a new mixing board and hire a replacement singer whose on-stage experience was limited to weekend stints as a karaoke cowboy. But the audition went well and we were hired for what ultimately became a house-band gig three nights a week for about eight months. Our former bandmate never recovered from our “treachery” and remained an obnoxious drunk until his used-and-abused liver killed him. He went to his grave embittered and resentful, with few people to attend his funeral save for a couple of childhood friends and his mother. Not even his kids came. He was one of only a handful of people I vowed never to play with again and I don’t miss the worthless fucker, not for a nanosecond.

[ch willie]

PM, you just can't save some people from themselves. Had a similar case with a gifted guitarist who alienated everyone around him, slunk off to another group and did the same, and so on. He was also a talented scholar who through academics away and who I imagine is right now drinking his 30th beer of the day and wondering where it all went wrong. It's a pity, but none of us could help him.


Doc, no, I don't have any band plans for the moment. I'm writing music and lyrics for a project that I'll record--and produce in a one off multimedia show. I'll take an audience of twenty if that's all I get.

[DanTheBluesMan]

my motorcycle riding skills (or lack thereof) and a Volkswagen Karmen Ghia ended my one and only involvement with a band. My career was over after that. I often wish I could find like minded individuals who like rock, hard rock, blues rock, southern rock and like to play amplified electric guitar. I'd even be happy playing in a Dead cover band on either bass or guitar. Plus I've been getting this rockabilly/old time country thing going on too, must be that darn telecaster's doings.

[S. Cane]

If you don't mind telling, Dan, what happened to you?

[ch willie]

Dan, it's pretty much like that for me too, no like minded individuals in my town, at least from the musos I know. Over the years, I tried ads and bulletin boards. Trouble is, I'm a late comer to this town, and I don't have a solid network of friends my own age. The only guys my age who are out there are locked into bands they've been with forever.

[Bill Moore]

I'm glad to say I haven't had the experience that PM had, and most of the hard feelings I've experienced blow over with time.
My old friend Russell and I played in several bands together, but he has always been a terrible drunk. It's like flipping a switch between his 3rd, and 4th drink. The last time we played in a working band together, was with my wife, and I, and her 2 sisters, (it's not hard to book a group with 3 pretty girls up front, but these girls can play, and sing too)! We did really well, but I had to ride Russell to keep it together, and he finally quit, and wouldn't talk to me for several years, but later he came around. It is fun to get together again, and visit, or jam a little, (he knows a million chord positions), but I never take any liquor when I visit.

[Don]

my motorcycle riding skills (or lack thereof) and a Volkswagen Karmen Ghia ended my one and only involvement with a band. My career was over after that. I often wish I could find like minded individuals who like rock, hard rock, blues rock, southern rock and like to play amplified electric guitar. I'd even be happy playing in a Dead cover band on either bass or guitar. Plus I've been getting this rockabilly/old time country thing going on too, must be that darn telecaster's doings.

It's too bad you don't live a little closer!

[DanTheBluesMan]

If you don't mind telling, Dan, what happened to you?

broke the 3rd and 4th metacarpals of my left hand when I went over the handlebars. I had laid the bike down, slid into the car, bike popped back upright and I flew over the rear quarter panel catching myself with my left hand. Got a ticket for driving in the breakdown lane because that's where my skid mark ended up to add insult to injury. Drove the bike home and boy, did those shifts hurt, I don't think I ever got into third gear. Our first gig was that night and my hand swelled up like a grapefruit and I could not go. Bent a turn signal lamp stalk, scruffed one of the handlebar grips, slight scrapes on the foot peg. Fortunately I wasn't going fast, I was slowing down for the right hand turn about 75-100 feet from where the accident happened. The car was turning into the car dealer's driveway before the corner without using their directional. If they didn't have a trailer on a hitch, I probably could have swerved around them.

I had no insurance, and my hand needed surgery to put in a couple of steel pins. I had to sell my bike, my car, my half stack (Ampeg V-4), my PA, mics, stands, cables, and passed on many milk crates. I went into a downward spiral for about 5 years after that. It wasn't until an industrial accident snapped me out of my ennui and I realized how much guitar playing meant to me, regardless of whether or not it was going to be my livelihood.

[ch willie]

Well, Dan, glad you found your way through that awfulness.

I am pretty liberal about drugs and alcohol, but I'm serious about playing straight and giving the best performance possible. I hate it when players mess up because they're drinking or on drugs--missed practices, terrible performances, terrible personalities to deal with. The beginning of the end of my band occurred when our lead guitarist got into drugs and drink too far to make practices. When he left, though, I lost a guitarist that I played well with. We were like Keef and Ron. And then Keef was paired with Steve Vai, and it didn't work.

[Don]

And then Keef was paired with Steve Vai, and it didn't work.

It's never fun being paired up with Steve Vai!

[smitty_p]

You're a great guy, willie! One of the fellows I like and admire here at TFF, along with many others.

You too, Smitty

Thanks, dude!

As has been stated already, the feeling is mutual.

[smitty_p]

I guess I'll share my band fizzle-out story.

For me, we all pretty much got along. We had a female keyboard player/vocalist, a male vocalist who was our main front man, then a bass player, a drummer, and me as the guitarist.

From a musical perspective, we had a variety of different tastes. The male vocalist was very good and leaned heavily toward country and even bluegrass, but could sing nearly any style. The bass player was pretty varied in musical taste and was willing to play just about anything. The drummer would play most stuff, but was really more of a classic rock/southern rock type of drummer. The keyboardist liked to do Heart and Pat Benatar material and was good at it. She was also good at Miranda Lambert-type stuff. She could also do some convincing Aretha Franklin!

I'm very much a classic rock and 80's metal type of guy. I also very much like music in the style of U2. I was working some SRV stuff, as well.

All in all, we had developed an approach that allowed each person's musical tastes to be utilized.

Our problem was scheduling. Our front man travels 200 days out of the year. The bass player has a hectic pace, and the drummer lives in another state about 50 miles from where we practice. The keyboard player and I were the most flexible with scheduling. We actually practiced in her mother's garage.

So, right now, I'm in limbo and hating it. We still kick around the idea of starting back up, but I hate not playing out.