The Condiment Initiative

[curtisstetka]

We hired this new chick about a month ago as our new quality officer. She got an office, probably a nice salary, and a title at least two levels above my own. I haven't heard a single thing from her since she was hired.

Today I was in the kitchen and she announced to me (I guess I must have looked like I cared) that she was going to spearhead the Condiment Initiative. She didn't call it that, of course. But her Big Idea was to have the company purchase condiments for communal use instead of individual employees having to purchase their own and label them in the fridge.

Money well spent. Our new quality officer will make sure we don't have any redundant condiments in the fridge.

If she was going to focus on such things, why not have the Donut Initiative?

Every day I am amazed to find that I can indeed despise the place just a little bit more.

[thetallcoolone]

Is she hot at least?

[MMP]

Memo From:

United States Department of Redundancy Department

Leave the condiments alone.

Thank You,
United States Department of Redundancy Department



_____________
"Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers"

[Power_13]

Please do not sit in front of this notice, as it blocks the notice that tells people not to sit in front of this notice

[curtisstetka]

Is she hot at least?

No. If she was, I could at least excuse having her worthlessness around here. But no, she most decidedly is not hot.

[moonpie]

Curtis,

Dismount the high horse and get with the program,
Don't fight it.....help her out.
Make sure she knows the whole place would much rather have horse raddish sauce and rasberry jam than mustard and ketchup. And why waste money on Equal when real sugar costs less?

Endear yourself, Son.....she may need an assistant soon

[NeoFauve]

We've got people who'll stick a "Family Size" ketchup bottle, for their personal use, on the door of our department's mini-fridge. Or they'll stock their case of bottled water in there.

The Condiment Initiative isn't neccesarily a bad idea. But it's liable to beget other initatives.
If it goes through, prepare yourself for things like the Ketchup Cap Hygene Seminar.

[dubya]

Ask her to hire a fridge team to take turns throwing out the stuff that has changed colors and starts growing hair. That seems to be more of an issue of the places I have worked rather than condiments.

Ask her also if she is going to do a condom initiative for those getting screwed in the process of conducting business on a daily basis.

[Don]

Does that mean that everyone would have to chip in for my corn and bean salsa?
It'd only be fair if they provided averyone's condiments, not just the mustard and ketchup crowd!

[NeoFauve]

I'm one of these oddballs.
The only things I use that might be covered by the Condiment Initiative would be honey and light cream for my tea.
Oh, I wipe up the company issued, powdered. non-dairy creamer, so I have a clean place to prepare my tea.
But I'm on my own with my quirky, exotic fixins.

[rudutch]

reminds me of the memo I once got about there being too many memos being distributed...

[Falstaff]

I was in charge of the 'coffee fund' at work for a while...buying coffee, pretzels, snacks, etc. Not a easy task. No one is ever happy. Every person for him/herself is the way to go.

Now that you are all here and have condiments on the brain, what's the diff betwee KETchup and CATsup? I think I like ket better but that might be psychological.

[cooltone]

originally posted by dubya:
Ask her also if she is going to do a condom initiative for those getting screwed in the process of conducting business on a daily basis.

That's funny! :lol

[shoebox22]

Then there's the fight over Hunts and Heinz and Kraft vs. the cheap offbrands.

:rofl

Unless you happen to work for one of those. Do you?

[Skip]

first condiments and then condoms... work and religion don't mix :lol
I do the Friday Work Frig thing... "when in doubt throw it out" That keeps the science projects to a minimum.

[curtisstetka]

I guess the part that bothers me most is that monitoring the refrigerator is NOT her freaking responsibility!

She's supposed to be shaping up our shoddy-ass "quality" procedures here! She's been here a month and hasn't produced zip, at least as far as we proles can tell.

There's a secretary and a cleaning guys - either of whom would be wonderful chairs for the fridge oversite committee.

The fridge, by the way, has been running itself just fine for the last five years that I've been here. Most people are grown up enough to handle sharing a fridge. This woman is creating "solutions" to things that aren't really problems, that are completely outside of her job description anyway?!?!

And on top of all that, SHE'S JUST NOT HOT!!!!

I guess what's really got me upset is that I still haven't gotten my September Expense Reimbursement check. Oh, I hate this place so much.

[stratking]

Soon she'll be telling ya that you're not wearing enough flair!

[pc]

Our HR woman at my workplace is exactly this worthless. I know the feeling.

Her nickname around the office is "camel-toe." And not in a good way. You know, about 200 pounds of 48-year-old woman packed into tight rayon 1970s pantsuits, sending around emails marked "high-priority" about what time the AFLAC guy is giving his next presentation. (Shudders).

[juniorspecial]

We hired this new chick about a month ago as our new quality officer. Today I was in the kitchen and she announced to me (I guess I must have looked like I cared) that she was going to spearhead the Condiment Initiative.

In my experience, most chicks prefer the pre-lubricated condiments!

[chuckocaster]

This woman is creating "solutions" to things that aren't really problems...

the trick of not doing much but still looking productive. i never could play that game at my last job. good thing i quit, it only took 5 tries...

[Offshore Angler]

Good. Have her write ISO9001 approved procedures for procurement, distribution, packaging, and use of condiments. She can prepare a 60 page PowerPoint presentaton with animated text and sound and then call an all-hands meeting for a rollout of the project. Then she can do training and have a Refridgerator Operator's Certification Program. I'd also have her map out the implentation schedule with an approved gate process and a Gantt chart. Get a JIT team togther and keep a list of Action Items. Maybe you should suggest a Kanban system for the condiments - that will get her sopping wet and she'll mark you for an Executive Fast Track program.



Hey - look at it this way. It will keep her busy enough to stop her from fucking up really important stuff. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Offshore Angler]

Soon she'll be telling ya that you're not wearing enough flair!

LOL!


"Yeeeeaaaah, that'd be great..."

[curtisstetka]

I do want to express myself...

[sabby]

I'm one of these oddballs.
The only things I use that might be covered by the Condiment Initiative would be honey and light cream for my tea.
Oh, I wipe up the company issued, powdered. non-dairy creamer, so I have a clean place to prepare my tea.
But I'm on my own with my quirky, exotic fixins.

It's a sad day in the universe when cream is exotic but that flammable powdered "creamer" (?!), seemingly developed by NASA alongside TANG, is ordinary

[bzimm]

Ha PC, the only thing worse than a Quality Manager is an HR person. When you have absolutely no marketable skills, there is always HR.

(No offense to any guitar playing HR professionals on this site. I am sure there are some decent HR people somewhere, I just haven't met one yet.)

[NeoFauve]

It's a sad day in the universe when cream is exotic but that flammable powdered "creamer" (?!), seemingly developed by NASA alongside TANG, is ordinary

Bingo.
These goons don't see the absurdity of NON-DAIRY creamer , or the cloud of it that settles on the counter.

[Kap'n]

I drink my coffee black, no sugar at work, because I'm afraid of the milk quality, and I refuse to be blamed for the disgusting sugar mess on the countertop, and the associated ant problem.

[dubya]

cream = good fats needed by the body

non-dairy creamer = engineered chemicals to simulate cream that causes the body to develop diseases and clog the arteries.

[Offshore Angler]

Well, I've never seen two chicks getting coffee that didn't turn it into a chemistry lab project. I started drinking my coffee black so I didn't have to wait.

[NeoFauve]

cream = good fats needed by the body...
that also happens to TASTE SO MUCH BETTER than...
non-dairy creamer = engineered chemicals to simulate cream that causes the body to develop diseases and clog the arteries.

Why not maximize the pleasure of your beverage?

The only reason anyone uses that crap is that it's there and it's free. That stuff is funky.:brr Doesn't taste right. Leaves a funny feeling in my mouth. Yuck.
I don't mind spending a couple bucks every week or two to do my tea right. Pretty good shelf life. :yay And I'm perfectly willing to share it with anyone with the sense to ask. Very few do. It's so much easier to sprinkle away. :toobad

[gibsonjunkie]

She's probably some important person's neice and this was a great way to give her a job. I agree with some of the other posters - it's better she is doing something stupid and to keep her away from real improtant work.

You should ask her to fill out a TPS Report...

[grito]

Well, I've never seen two chicks getting coffee that didn't turn it into a chemistry lab project. I started drinking my coffee black so I didn't have to wait.

There are some rather large ladies that have come up with something called: "Ghetto-Mocha". It's coffee and hot chocolate mix. They only use have the chocolate mix and leave opened container for someone else to use. Yeah, I'd really like half a cup of hot chocolate today from an open container. Expecially one that has been torn open by your beefy sausage fingers...

[Jesse S.]

The problem I have with "coffee lightener" is that it tastes nasty. Yes, it turns your coffee blonde, but then I have to add sugar to make it palatable. With 1/2-and-1/2, I can drink and prefer coffee with no sugar in it. My (perhaps invalid) opinion is that this is healthier for me, even with the added fat from the cream.

But I don't have a daily coffee habit - the caffeine ain't too good for the heart or sleep cycles. I went through some phases of drinking way too much coffee at work a few years ago, but after some temporary hypertension issues, I decided to cut way back. I think it helps.