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Thread: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

  1. #1
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    A man walked into a guitar shop and asked the clerk if he had any vintage Gibsons. The clerk brought in a 2015 Gold top LP Std.

    "Shit, son," the man said,"This isn't a vintage Les Paul."

    "What does vintage mean to you?" the clerk asked. The man gave a pretty good explanation of what vintage was.

    "That's a dictionary definition."

    "Well it's the sound and the mojo."

    "What's mojo?"

    The man couldn't explain.

    "Do you think playing a guitar with 'mojo' transfers that 'mojo/ to you?

    "What?"

    "Well you can't tell me what mojo is, so you want to buy something for some reason that's cloudy in your mind, for reasons that are even cloudier."

    "Are you trying to dissuade me from buying a vintage Les Paul."

    "Not at all," the clerk answered. "Just got in a 59 and a 60."

    "Then why did you bring out the 2015."

    "Why do we do anything we do?"

    "What?"

    "Genetics, environment, social conditioning, innate desires, the death drive, the sex drive?"

    "I don't know what this has to do with me buying a guitar."

    "Nobody knows what anything has to do with anything else. We're only propped up by imaginary social structures which we take as real and literal."

    "Oh snap, I see that I'm late for an appointment. I'll come back soon to look at it."

    "No you won't"

    The customer yelled, "F off" to the clerk and left.

    The clerk's boss who had quietly witnessed the exchange finally spoke up: "Dammit Sigmund Freud. I should never have hired an Austrian."
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  2. #2
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    woah, that happened to me, too
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  3. #3
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    I hate it when it happens, but it could be worse if we ran into that guitar clerk propagandist Goebbels.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    I hate it when it happens, but it could be worse if we ran into that guitar clerk propagandist Goebbels.
    I think he sold me my new '74 pos Stratocaster.
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  5. #5
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Ha ha. He did at that. Didn't the 74 Strat have a swastika on the headstock? I mean the Goebbels signature should have given you warning that the guitar was going to torture you.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  6. #6
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Disclaimer: That last joke was a bit edgy, so I want to say something serious:

    I never joke about the Holocaust with the intention to make fun of anyone's pain and suffering. My jokes are directed at the pigs who perpetrated the atrocities. I've talked to Holocaust survivors, heard their stories. I've talked to so many people in Germany who were in the war, and I've seen men contrite, and I've seen men proud of their service to Hitler, specifically to Hitler.

    In my 30 years of teaching, I taught many novels that either had direct experience in the camps or that were based on family history.

    I have a strange and dark sense of humor. I might make an Anne Frank joke, but that precious girl died horribly, and I am not making fun of her. I've been to the house she hid in three times, and I've felt a lump in my throat.

    I've taken 75 students there over the years and to the concentration camp Sachsenhausen. We have mourned there and joined others mourning.

    I apologize if my humor causes anyone pain.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Ha ha. He did at that. Didn't the 74 Strat have a swastika on the headstock? I mean the Goebbels signature should have given you warning that the guitar was going to torture you.
    ah, that explains the barbed wire strings.
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

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    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    OK, how about if Schrödinger was a guitar salesman (I know, I know, he was a physicist, not a philosopher)

    Guy who just bought a vintage Les Paul: "So, you've packed the guitar in it's case, right?"

    Schrödinger: "Well, it is both in the case and not in the case".

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    If Schopenhauer was a guitar salesman:

    Guying shopping for vintage Les Paul: "I'd like to buy a vintage Les Paul".

    Schopenhauer passes him a new model Epiphone LP.

    Guy: "Is this vintage?"

    Schopenhauer: "What does it feel like to you?"

    -----------------------------------------------

  9. #9
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtdog View Post
    OK, how about if Schrödinger was a guitar salesman (I know, I know, he was a physicist, not a philosopher)

    Guy who just bought a vintage Les Paul: "So, you've packed the guitar in it's case, right?"

    Schrödinger: "Well, it is both in the case and not in the case".

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    If Schopenhauer was a guitar salesman:

    Guying shopping for vintage Les Paul: "I'd like to buy a vintage Les Paul".

    Schopenhauer passes him a new model Epiphone LP.

    Guy: "Is this vintage?"

    Schopenhauer: "What does it feel like to you?"

    -----------------------------------------------
    Ha ha

    Derrida--the continuity of a vintage guitar and its status as a unified object is an illusion since the instrument ARE.

    Santayana--Those who forget past Strats are condemned to repeat purchases of Walmart vintage particle board guitars.
    Said--The vintage guitar is a monument to imperialist ideology

    Colonel Sanders: When I was alive, I had sex with younger women. Raked in the bacon while I played in the henhouse. Guitars? I don't give a chicken turd about vintage guitars.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Ha ha


    Colonel Sanders: When I was alive, I had sex with younger women. Raked in the bacon while I played in the henhouse. Guitars? I don't give a chicken turd about vintage guitars.
    I thought the Colonel would say something like: "It's finger riffin' good!"

  11. #11
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Marx, the guitar salesman.

    Guy in guitar shop: "I'd like a new guitar".

    Marx: "Do you own the means of production?"

    Guy: "No, I don't think so".

    Marx: "Then follow me to the proletariat section"

    Guy: "Cool, I've always liked Strats".

  12. #12
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Neitzsche, the guitar salesman.

    Guy: "Would you recommend a Fender or a Gibson?

    Neitzsche: "It doesn't matter"

  13. #13
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtdog View Post
    Neitzsche, the guitar salesman.

    Guy: "Would you recommend a Fender or a Gibson?

    Neitzsche: "It doesn't matter"
    That's the best one of ours so far.

    Guy: "Should I get a Strat or a Les Paul"

    Henry Miller: "If you can't f*** it, I don't care."
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  14. #14
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    That's the best one of ours so far.

    Guy: "Should I get a Strat or a Les Paul"

    Henry Miller: "If you can't f*** it, I don't care."
    LOL!

    Huxley, as guitar salesman, hums a little jingle within earshot of customer ("You won't want to part with yours, either....")

    Guy: "I'm interested in trying out that Fender".

    Huxley: "Of course you want to try that Fender".

  15. #15
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Guy: Do you have any Custom Shop Fenders?

    Hemingway: (Shoots him and gets his trackers to put him on the spit for a celebration dinner capped off by Hemingway drinking a 1/2 gallon of rum.)


    Guy: Do you have any really richly appointed Strats or Les Pauls?

    Fitzgerald: (worries his Johnson really is too small for Zelda).

    Guy: Sorry, I was asking if you have any really elegant Strats or Les Pauls

    Fitzgerald (stares hard at the customer's glasses and thinks about how he can use them metaphorically in a novel)



    Woman: Do you have any St Etienne signature guitars?

    Charles Schultz: Good grief!


    Woman: Could you tell me what the main differences are between the Strat and Tele?

    Camus: It's absurd to compare or contrast them. They mean whatever you decide they mean.


    Woman: Can you order me a 335 with block inlays?

    Brezhnev: Bloc????????
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  16. #16
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Guy: Do you have any Custom Shop Fenders?

    Hemingway: (Shoots him and gets his trackers to put him on the spit for a celebration dinner capped off by Hemingway drinking a 1/2 gallon of rum.)


    Guy: Do you have any really richly appointed Strats or Les Pauls?

    Fitzgerald: (worries his Johnson really is too small for Zelda).

    Guy: Sorry, I was asking if you have any really elegant Strats or Les Pauls

    Fitzgerald (stares hard at the customer's glasses and thinks about how he can use them metaphorically in a novel)



    Woman: Do you have any St Etienne signature guitars?

    Charles Schultz: Good grief!


    Woman: Could you tell me what the main differences are between the Strat and Tele?

    Camus: It's absurd to compare or contrast them. They mean whatever you decide they mean.


    Woman: Can you order me a 335 with block inlays?

    Brezhnev: Bloc????????
    Excellent! Love the Brezhnev one!

  17. #17
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    We're match for match, dirtdog. You're a hell of a lot of fun.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  18. #18
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    We're match for match, dirtdog. You're a hell of a lot of fun.
    haha - same back atcha Willie!

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    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Reaching deep, just to contribute to this hilarious thread...

    "Mr. Vonnegut, in one timeline I play a Gibson. In another, I play a Fender."

    "So it goes."
    Striving to be ordinary

    Proud to be a TFF Dumbass!

  20. #20
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldStrummer View Post
    Reaching deep, just to contribute to this hilarious thread...

    "Mr. Vonnegut, in one timeline I play a Gibson. In another, I play a Fender."

    "So it goes."
    A good one. One of my fave books too.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  21. #21
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    This may be a bit way out for some.

    "Commander, I've been practicing and practicing on these guitars. Seems like forever. When can I perform?"

    "I've got news for you, Ender Wiggin, you've been performing all along."
    Striving to be ordinary

    Proud to be a TFF Dumbass!

  22. #22
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldStrummer View Post
    This may be a bit way out for some.

    "Commander, I've been practicing and practicing on these guitars. Seems like forever. When can I perform?"

    "I've got news for you, Ender Wiggin, you've been performing all along."
    now that's a terrifying thought. what if all those times I was just mucking around was being broadcast to millions

    those poor viewers, probably as deadly as Ender's Game. Loved the book. Only so-so about the movie
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  23. #23
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Saga of the Guitar Philosopher, just for fun, though probably only my fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldStrummer View Post
    Reaching deep, just to contribute to this hilarious thread...

    "Mr. Vonnegut, in one timeline I play a Gibson. In another, I play a Fender."

    "So it goes."
    Yes! Good one!

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