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Thread: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

  1. #1
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    What's that body shape supposed to be? If it were black ink on a page, Rorschach would be horrified by the blob. Are the horns supposed to be a genetically aberrant set of bull horns?

    It sounds like dental floss stretched across a plastic slat. Most players wish they could afford a Les Paul instead, and most of them would trade their Strat for an Epiphone entry level LP if it weren't for the public shame of admitting they have crappy Strat tastes.

    Most of our Strat stars only play them because Fender gave them a free t-shirt. Jimi choked rather than play his one more day. Robin Trower's so old that he can't ungrip the neck. Pete Townshend only plays his because he's too old and weak to destroy them now. Joe B only plays them because his mother got a birthday card from Leo Fender one year.

    The pickups are weak little bobbins with inferior copper windings. The only reason any winder put his or her name on the bottom is because Leo made sure everybody knew who to blame. Same thing with the body cavities and neck butts. The prize for doing the worst job was to be moved up to position the worker was even more unqualified for.

    We won't even get into the cheap parts and electronics, not to mention that it's encased in polyester resin as thick as sugar on a Krispy Kreme.

    I only play a Strat so that I can be more grateful for the guitars I already have, like the one I made out of a rusted muffler and twine.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  2. #2
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    ...The only reason any winder put his or her name on the bottom is because Leo made sure everybody knew who to blame...
    so glad I wasn't drinking coffee when I saw this
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  3. #3
    Forum Member phantomman's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    If the electric company ever shuts my juice off I can just toss these chintzy POS's in the fireplace to keep warm......



    "When injustice becomes law then rebellion becomes duty."

  4. #4
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Damn. I haven’t seen that much ugly since I saw pics of Dan’s family reunion.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  5. #5
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Oh yeah, right on, I hate strats. I don’t know how I still can play such a pieced shite.

    The US made ones are the lousiest,even their cases look ridiculous.

    I don’t know what Leo gave Freddy, George and Don to smoke.



  6. #6
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Sergio, even a company that makes rough ass toilet paper would have turned down the wood in that Strat. Women whose name is Jessica heard about your guitar and changed their names to something preferable like Hulga.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  7. #7
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Good Gawd, the only place these belong is in a solitary room with bars on the windows and doors. Not to keep people out, but to keep them in.


  8. #8
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    It probably would have been better had this been stillborn.


  9. #9
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    That 12 string looks like a hyena abortion
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  10. #10
    Forum Member phantomman's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Yes, they're all absolutely obnoxious looking.

    Left-handed versions are even more hideous.

    "When injustice becomes law then rebellion becomes duty."

  11. #11
    Forum Member CoyotesGator's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Quote Originally Posted by phantomman View Post
    Yes, they're all absolutely obnoxious looking.

    Left-handed versions are even more hideous.

    What happend?
    Who let the magic smoke out?

  12. #12
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Oh, my lefty is the worst. It's like wearing a sports coat inside out. I stop what I'm doing often just to cuss the thing. I prefer the sound of my ass to the sound of my Strat. Ought to put a set of .00s on it, every string non-existent. I might throw away the bridge pieces just so that I'll never be tempted to pick the thing up and play.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  13. #13
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    someday some newbie is going to wander in here and get their poor little fragile eggshell mind shattered by these threads. If they don't know that they were meant in fun it could be detrimental to their development.

    maybe we should ask for them to be nuked in a week or so? Wouldn't want anybody to think we're weird ... er than we actually are
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  14. #14
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    The most simplest form of birth control.

    You strap one of these on and you'll never get a date again...


  15. #15
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Thanks, renderit. I just got an automatic vasectomy just from looking at that.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  16. #16
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Quote Originally Posted by renderit View Post
    The most simplest form of birth control.

    You strap one of these on and you'll never get a date again...

    It is a consensus that strat players just can't get laid after gigs.

  17. #17
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Strat players never get laid; they lie about it to be cool. They're actually lonely saps who should just give up on finding a partner.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  18. #18
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    They gave Jeffrey Epstein a choice: Either he spend 30 minutes playing a Strat or...strangulation.


    He didn't choose the Strat.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  19. #19
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Strat players never get laid; they lie about it to be cool. They're actually lonely saps who should just give up on finding a partner.
    I swear, none of the hostesses, bartender girls, groupie wannabes, junkies and general venue chicks I've had an afterparty with, actually paid atention to what guitar I was playing...

    If they knew it was a strat, they would never had risked pregnancy with me.

  20. #20
    Forum Member CoyotesGator's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    So ugly and worthless I keep these locked in a dirty backroom where questionable reptiles hangout.

    [IMG]BFDDAB46-600B-4DC4-8340-35B816C76087 by robert ellwood, on Flickr[/IMG]

    [IMG]1C76A381-E341-4B91-8C8F-9E9DDF21DF34 by robert ellwood, on Flickr[/IMG]
    What happend?
    Who let the magic smoke out?

  21. #21
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Ew, Dan, those are disgusting, especially that one with the flamy neck. I mean, who cares. Lipstick on a pig is what that neck is.

    I noticed you took a side shot. At least I didn't have to look at them full on.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  22. #22
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Quote Originally Posted by KennyF View Post
    Boat paddles...
    Couldn't even use them as paddles because water rejects them.

    Even nature can see how ugly and stupid Strat planks are.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  23. #23
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    They touch the water and all the fish jump on land.

  24. #24
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: You Thought Strats Were Safe?

    Kenny, I took one look at that shitty color, and I puked inside my mouth. Thanks, Jerkeroid..
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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