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Thread: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

  1. #1
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Worst guitar ever made. Looks like a pudgy 12 year old with syrup in the folds of its neck. Sounds like a piece of scratchy wire against a rough rock. People who play them are just hick cucks who want to kiss Danny Gatton's long gone ass. Roy Buchanan sounded like a squealing rabbit, and Jimmy Page couldn't even make stolen licks sound good on his. Muddy Water should have gotten himself a real job. Syd Barrett's Tele was just a waste of good wood. Most non-famous players of Teles have loose morals and ugly partners.

    And what's with the headstock? It looks like a medieval criminal, punished by having his nose blunted. Seriously, the damned thing starts off well enough but ends in a pitiful little roll.

    Plastic pickguard hides the embarrassingly conceived electronics. Ugliest pickups on a guitar ever.

    If you play one, your mother had a crush on Bobby Vinton's driver.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  2. #2
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I'd make you take it all back.

    Except ... it's true ... huu huu huu, sob *gnash teeth* weep ... it's true, gosh darn it.
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  3. #3
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    That's pretty edgy for this place
    lol

  4. #4
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Very creative, willie. Completely off the mark, but creative!

  5. #5
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by Cogs View Post
    That's pretty edgy for this place
    lol
    Ha ha. Ah well, I'm too edgy for my own good a lot of times.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  6. #6
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Ha ha, I knew that


    now

    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  7. #7
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by OldStrummer View Post
    Very creative, willie. Completely off the mark, but creative!
    I'm glad you enjoyed it. I tried to miss the mark as much as possible. That's half the fun.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I agree.

    But you must own one just so you can appreciate what the best example of a horrible idea really is.

    The hideousness of this must be appreciated.

    It's like a train wreck really...


  9. #9
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Good god, renderit. I almost puked when the photo of your Tele loaded. I felt like I was eating herring salad while seasick on the North Sea.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I KNOW!

    I have eaten MANY herring salads on the North Sea back when we invaded Europe!

    That and Lutefisk!

    Damn, fish
    Jello®

  11. #11
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by renderit View Post
    I KNOW!

    I have eaten MANY herring salads on the North Sea back when we invaded Europe!

    That and Lutefisk!

    Damn, fish
    Jello®



    Ha ha ha
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  12. #12
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I am enjoying this thread. Willie and Renderit should form a comedy duo.

  13. #13
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by OldStrummer View Post
    I am enjoying this thread. Willie and Renderit should form a comedy duo.
    Yeah, buddy, just post some pictures of your fave Tele so that I can get rid of the rest of the food in my stomach.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  14. #14
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I'm quite ashamed of this piece o crap. I'm thinking of trading it for a plywood body Les Paul. I might even give the Tele and a hundred dollars in trade.


    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    That is truly an eyesore!

    No additional knobs to control the freakishly shrill sounds was the biggest mistake.

    Imagine the moron who said: One Tone and One volume and One switch to pick your pickup!

    No choices!

    I can only imagine the horror of one of these with but one pickup...

    OMG!

  16. #16
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Leo Fender and the designers of the Tele were obviously moral degenerates. If it hadn't been for Bob in control at that time, the Tele headstock would have been very phallic.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  17. #17
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    here's my poor little ol' Princeton being soiled by that monstrosity in my avatar

    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  18. #18
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    That’s just embarrassing, Dan. Damn.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  19. #19
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Yeah, buddy, just post some pictures of your fave Tele so that I can get rid of the rest of the food in my stomach.

    I have some especially egregious examples. This one, for starters, should never been seen in public.




    This one is so vile I have to keep it trapped in its case, lest it gets loose.


  20. #20
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Those ought to be considered war crimes of some sort.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  21. #21
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I once walked into Mayberry with a Telecaster over my shoulder.

    Andy punched me straight in the mouf and handed Barney a box of bullets.

    [IMG]82FB94C8-D64D-4FEE-B6B7-D9FBF2B75CA2 by robert ellwood, on Flickr[/IMG]
    What happend?
    Who let the magic smoke out?

  22. #22
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Cg, that looks like something Otis would have put together while totally snookered
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyotesGator View Post
    I once walked into Mayberry with a Telecaster over my shoulder.

    Andy punched me straight in the mouf and handed Barney a box of bullets.

    [IMG]82FB94C8-D64D-4FEE-B6B7-D9FBF2B75CA2 by robert ellwood, on Flickr[/IMG]

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by DanTheBluesMan View Post
    here's my poor little ol' Princeton being soiled by that monstrosity in my avatar

    Man,

    This shot needs to be in black and white so the guitar will disappear and we can see the amp.

  25. #25
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Shoot, renderit, aft er that hideous thing Dan posted, we should just make him disappear while we're at it.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  26. #26
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by renderit View Post
    Man,

    This shot needs to be in black and white so the guitar will disappear and we can see the amp.
    I'll give that a try

    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

  27. #27
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I have to admit I'm ashamed of this, this is what I own:


    It's sort of a tele. But it's not really a tele, it has 3 pickups. It's not really a Strat. It's made in Mexico. Bad fret sprout, inferior electronic parts.

    Meanwhile, Fender still produces 2 pickup examples of them. Apparently now without ash bodies.

    Even if you fixed the horribly wrong errors like pickguard mounted pickups, and 3-saddle bridge, it's an abomination.

  28. #28
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by vinyl View Post
    I have to admit I'm ashamed of this, this is what I own:

    It's sort of a tele. But it's not really a tele, it has 3 pickups. It's not really a Strat. It's made in Mexico. Bad fret sprout, inferior electronic parts.

    Meanwhile, Fender still produces 2 pickup examples of them. Apparently now without ash bodies.

    Even if you fixed the horribly wrong errors like pickguard mounted pickups, and 3-saddle bridge, it's an abomination.
    Now that's just pitiful. I gave one of those recently to a band of teenagers at the orphanage--I didn't want them to start expecting good things out of life. After a week, every one of the guitarists had switched to triangle.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  29. #29
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Who in their right mind would want a Telecaster with three pickups? Especially if they're Nocasters mounted on a bias (designed by master builder Todd Krause) and equipped with a five-way selector switch. These things are abominations!




  30. #30
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    What do you call that, OS, Frankencrap?
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    At least they tried to get this one right.

    A copy they screwed up the headstock on with an 'h' instead of another 's'...



    And look at the wood! So many knots it must have come out of the scrap pile at Fenender!



    Ran outta parts too. Only 3 intonator thingies so they had to share them...


  32. #32
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Neck looks like it was buried with potatoes in the coals of a fire pit.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  33. #33
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Neck looks like it was buried with potatoes in the coals of a fire pit.
    And they mated and this is the illegitimate offspring...

    OMG!

  34. #34
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by renderit View Post
    And they mated and this is the illegitimate offspring...

    OMG!
    Teles are sort of the fat-blubbed brat of guitars.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  35. #35
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    It's hard to imagine any guitar wanting to grow up to be a Tele. Must be a severe case of self-loathing.


  36. #36
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    I'd rather touch a diseased rattlesnake than touch that Tele, Old Strummer. Color scheme reminds me of pig blood.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Hideous


  38. #38
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Well, Dave, it takes a brave man to post THAT for his first posting to the forum. Welcome, but if you haven't got anything better than that to show us, you might want to just call your internet provider and get rid of your service.

    I mean look at it. It's flawless and beautiful---obviously a sissy. My $20 uke could kick its butt. First rule of guitar fight club: don't invite sissy Telecasters to guitar fight club. Why?--because the sound would be so good that all the other guitars would get jealous and slaughter it, turn it into toothpicks for people who eat taffy.

    Good to have you here. Next time, post something better, like a 1970s Indonesian guitar with splinters sticking out of the fretboard.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Well, Dave, it takes a brave man to post THAT for his first posting to the forum. Welcome, but if you haven't got anything better than that to show us, you might want to just call your internet provider and get rid of your service.

    I mean look at it. It's flawless and beautiful---obviously a sissy. My $20 uke could kick its butt. First rule of guitar fight club: don't invite sissy Telecasters to guitar fight club. Why?--because the sound would be so good that all the other guitars would get jealous and slaughter it, turn it into toothpicks for people who eat taffy.

    Good to have you here. Next time, post something better, like a 1970s Indonesian guitar with splinters sticking out of the fretboard.





    Thanks,Actually I was a member here with a different name around 2007. I forgot my password and had to start a new account.

  40. #40
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    Thanks,Actually I was a member here with a different name around 2007. I forgot my password and had to start a new account.
    Welcome back. Ha ha, I've been in a Don Rickles mood lately. I love Teles so much; what better thing to troll than the thing I love most? I'll start on The Beatles next. Nothing's sacred.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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