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Thread: Non Guitar, Personal Story

  1. #1
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Non Guitar, Personal Story

    For some time, a decade or longer, I've been getting more and more burned out. I've been teaching for thirty years. I've had problems with anxiety and depression for decades, but in this case, my high anxiety is causing slight depression. The anxiety is the thing I find it hard to live with. I meditate now, but the stress of my job--a new VP who dislikes me and is making it hard on me--keeps me on panic mode continuously. The job is detrimental to my health. I've known for some time that the job is a trigger for my anxiety. In short, I'm exhausted and don't want to play the game anymore.

    After talking to my best friends and girlfriend about it, I've come to a decision: I'm retiring from teaching, and I'm going to teach my last classes in December.

    Of course I'm stepping into the unknown. I'm going to take a couple of months to get my mental health in order--I do see a shrink, but medication can only work so far. Then I'm going to find a job with less pressure. I like working in teams (like bands) rather than shutting myself away in an office. It's all scary but exciting.

    I needed to vent. Thank you for reading.

    BTW, I am trying meditation and mindfulness. I'll get over this awful time.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

  2. #2
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    For some time, a decade or longer, I've been getting more and more burned out. I've been teaching for thirty years. I've had problems with anxiety and depression for decades, but in this case, my high anxiety is causing slight depression. The anxiety is the thing I find it hard to live with. I meditate now, but the stress of my job--a new VP who dislikes me and is making it hard on me--keeps me on panic mode continuously. The job is detrimental to my health. I've known for some time that the job is a trigger for my anxiety. In short, I'm exhausted and don't want to play the game anymore.

    After talking to my best friends and girlfriend about it, I've come to a decision: I'm retiring from teaching, and I'm going to teach my last classes in December.

    Of course I'm stepping into the unknown. I'm going to take a couple of months to get my mental health in order--I do see a shrink, but medication can only work so far. Then I'm going to find a job with less pressure. I like working in teams (like bands) rather than shutting myself away in an office. It's all scary but exciting.

    I needed to vent. Thank you for reading.

    BTW, I am trying meditation and mindfulness. I'll get over this awful time.
    Bravo on you for making a courageous decision! I'm of retirement age and sometimes feel like you about the job, but without the anxiety. I don't feel ready for retirement, and of course, I have the traditional fear of going from a paycheck to a paydown. I applaud you for making a tough choice, and I wish you well.

    Besides, it will give you more time on the guitar...

  3. #3
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Thanks for your support, Dan. My anxiety has been so bad lately that I haven't been able to face playing. It used to give me comfort, but now the anxiety is too high. It's stopping my regular activities and making me grave. I want to be able to smile again and show my teeth (dentures haha) when I laugh.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

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    Forum Member melody's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    I wish you the best Willie!I applaud you for having the courage to set out of the comfort zone it's not a easy decision.. I am also at a cross roads in my life thinking of selling a lot of gear all my personal belongings and moving to a new state. I will let you in a on a secrete. If you treat this person that you are having trouble with with respect, love, peace wish this person heath, happiness all the best that life has to offer you are really doing this for you! These fellings are nothing more than than feelings that you and you alone are thinking only you feel this way. I bet if you do this even if you leave this job by the time you depart those things you wish for the other person WILL be reciprocated to you ten fold..

    What the other person says or dose cannot really annoy you irritate you except you permit him/her to disturb you. The only way this person can annoy you is through your own thought. It took me a long time to get this I am still working on it to this day. For me it made life so much better not to let other people get in my head it's not easy but it dose work wonders for ones own mental health. People are what they think.... As within so without!

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    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Melody,Thank you so much. I love you guys.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

  6. #6
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    I actually did it. I went into work this morning, and I sat at my desk and thought, I can't take it another hour. So I tendered my resignation, said goodbye to my immediate supervisor, and told her I'd be in touch to tell her what is yet to be done in my classes. It feels scary, but it is right, and I am relieved.

    I am no longer a professor. I am a man.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

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    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    good luck, man and congratulations. It is hard to let go and navigate new waters. Fair winds and following seas.
    "Live and learn and flip the burns"

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    Forum Member Frat Rettle's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    All the best brother.

    Take some time to smell the roses.
    I have decided to be happy because it's good for my health.

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    Forum Member CoyotesGator's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Good for you Willie.

    I worked for a donkey for too many years and the septic work conditions were making me and my family sick. I feel better every morning knowing I never have to walk back in that door or talk to that person again.

    As Frat said, do take some time to smell the roses.
    What happend?
    Who let the magic smoke out?

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    Forum Member gibsonjunkie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Life is too short to be that unhappy.You are obviously intelligent based on much of what you've posted here over the years. In a few months you'll wonder why you didn't do it earlier. Best of luck, amigo, and let us know if you need anything.
    "We catched fish and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness." Mark Twain

  11. #11
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Thanks, my friends. I am already so happy that I made the decision. Last night my girlfriend and I stayed up all night laughing--no drugs or drink, but just happiness. My anxiety is completely gone for the first time in over a decade. I am going to smell the roses. I need to reconnect with the Earth and nature, find my center. Life is really the best when it's the simplest.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

  12. #12
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Congrats Willie! All the best to you in the new phase of the journey!

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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    17 or 18 years ago I was dealing with that same issues. My doc put me on Lexapro and it's been great since. He started at the lowest dose and adjusted a little over the next year or so until I was dialed in. From there I moved on and got promoted. When I got to the point I could take early retirement I didn't hesitate, I did it immediately, without fanfare, and without giving a hoot about the pecker heads I worked with. Never have looked back and I love it. My best wishes for you, just know there's light at the end of that tunnel and you can be happy.

  14. #14
    Forum Member gibsonjunkie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    I realize how fortunate I am to have a job I love today more than I did 26 years ago when I started it. I have great co-workers and a great boss (well, his management style is pretty terrible, but he doesn't micro-manage and he genuinely cares about the people he works with so we make it work) and fulfilling work that makes me feel valuable. I turned 66 this year so I could start thinking about retiring, but even the thought gives me anxiety. They will probably take me out of my office in a gurney someday. That being said, my last career (plumbing contractor) made me sick with anxiety and I know it would have killed me if I'd stayed in it. You will do fine!
    "We catched fish and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness." Mark Twain

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    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    I am very fond of my former colleagues; we all knew what was happening to education. We all feel pretty hopeless about it. Since I resigned, I've had about five who've written me, asking me not to say anything, but they wish they had the courage to walk away. I feel for them.

    I have no ill feelings for the college or the administrators who are making some major mistakes right now. I wish them well because the college serves a community desperately in need of a population educated enough to enter the job market. Our area has great natural resources and land. Big business and industries want to open plants and businesses here, but we don't have enough workers educated / trained enough to handle the work. So bless the college: I hope they get someone great to teach, and I wish them many years of serving the community.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

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    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Wow Willie! That’s a big step and good on you for following your gut (and making your head follow)!

    I’m kind of in a similar space - my anxiety is around my commute to work and a number or organizational issues in my workplace vs having issues with my chain of command. My mostly dealt-with PTSD from Afghanistan relates to being in traffic. And let’s just say that bureaucracy, even being on the inside, is a form of collective insanity that I’m finding harder and harder to deal with. I’m about 7 years shy of retirement age but I’m debt free and mortgage free and my daughters post secondary education is already fully funded.

    Been considering my options - out and out resignation doesn’t make much sense for me. Medical leave is a possibility. Another possibility of a leave without pay arrangement (where I can still pay into my pension and medical benefits). Obviously, I’d still need to work until I can start collecting my pension. I sometimes joke about putting my expression of interest in for a mailroom position, but I’d likely go the independent consulting route. Lots of opportunity for that in my field and my location.

    Is all reality, though, I’ll wait until the next, inevitable round of government cutbacks and take one of the usually beneficial packages they offer. I expect this will happen sometime in the next five years. If so, the timing would be great!!!

    What’s next for you?
    Last edited by dirtdog; 11-17-2019 at 07:38 AM.

  17. #17
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Quote Originally Posted by dirtdog View Post
    What’s next for you?

    Man, I feel for you. I hope you get some peace.

    My plans are to take a couple of months off and just enjoy life. Then I'm going to live partially on my retirement money, but I'll find a job that's fun. I've had four decades of pressure filled jobs, and I want to do what I want to do, even if that's working as a clerk at Pet Smart.

    I have been so stressed the last five years that I could never fully enjoy playing guitar. My favorite songs never seemed to give me happiness. Everything I wrote was tinged with sadness. This weekend has been a rebirth of my love of playing. I could play without thinking, On Monday, I have to do this and this and this. I just had pure joy!
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

  18. #18
    Forum Member dirtdog's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    Man, I feel for you. I hope you get some peace.

    My plans are to take a couple of months off and just enjoy life. Then I'm going to live partially on my retirement money, but I'll find a job that's fun. I've had four decades of pressure filled jobs, and I want to do what I want to do, even if that's working as a clerk at Pet Smart.

    I have been so stressed the last five years that I could never fully enjoy playing guitar. My favorite songs never seemed to give me happiness. Everything I wrote was tinged with sadness. This weekend has been a rebirth of my love of playing. I could play without thinking, On Monday, I have to do this and this and this. I just had pure joy!
    Thanks Willie - it's not as bad as I made it out to be. I work with some great people and have interesting problems to work on. And when those are in short supply, embrace the suck! The traffic is still an issue....we're planning to move into the rural area once my daughter finishes high school. She can commute her damned self to university!

    Enjoy your sojourn and I'm looking forward to some upbeat music from you!

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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    I wish you well. Retirement is great!

    I retired back 6 years ago from a pretty intense computer related firm where I had climbed the ladder pretty high.

    Took 5 years vacation before I decided I NEEDED to work.

    Started doing fun jobs.

    Helped out at the school.

    Went to work for a soldering concern so I could learn how to do that.

    Now doing something completely different that is fun.

    I do find myself bringing back some of my old skills when I see they are needed, but not as a job, but as a "here, this may help" kind of thing.

    When I feel I want to move to something else I can do it.

    Just enjoy it.

    If the place changes for the worse, leave.

    If the place starts bringing you down, leave.

    You undoubtedly have skills that can be used.

    Just maintain a sunny disposition and enjoy things again!

  20. #20
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Non Guitar, Personal Story

    I appreciate it, renderit.

    It's Monday morning, usually my most stressful time of the week. I'm sitting here with my hair straight up, pjs stained with coffee, and a smile on my face. Best Monday ever.
    Guitar freaks of the world unite!

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