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Thread: Musician Jokes?

  1. #1
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Musician Jokes?

    What are your favorite guitarist / music jokes.

    What do you call the guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
    (I like the joke but value good drummers).
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  2. #2
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    A classic:

    Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys inside the car?

    It took two hours to open the car through the trunk, so he could get the drummer out.

  3. #3
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    After a show, a snooty woman said to Boomer, You’re over confident. Why you’re just a musician.” Boomer said, “Madame, I’m no musician. I’m a bassist.”
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member Old Ranger's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    I am the son of a professional grade percussionist. I too, was a well paid drummer for hire around the DFW musician circuit for 30 years. I'd fill in for all sorts of bands who's drummer was sick, out of town, quit, or incarcerated. Rock, metal, country, you name it and I'd set, and keep the beat. Frankly, drummer jokes always kinda piss me off. But then again, I made so much money off you guitar players "fixing" instruments that weren't broken so you could get "the tone" I can almost forgive you.
    I forgot what I was going to say...

  5. #5
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Old Ranger, this is lighthearted stuff. Part of the humor of the joke comes from knowing just how valuable drummers are as musicians. I’m making bassist jokes at my own expense and I welcome guitarist jokes.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ranger View Post
    I am the son of a professional grade percussionist. I too, was a well paid drummer for hire around the DFW musician circuit for 30 years. I'd fill in for all sorts of bands who's drummer was sick, out of town, quit, or incarcerated. Rock, metal, country, you name it and I'd set, and keep the beat. Frankly, drummer jokes always kinda piss me off. But then again, I made so much money off you guitar players "fixing" instruments that weren't broken so you could get "the tone" I can almost forgive you.
    Just when I thought it couldn't go darker...

  7. #7
    Forum Member VibroCount's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    After spending four years playing rock and a little R&B, when I entered college, I took the Stage Band class, becoming the guitarist with the Lab Band. Nearly all the others in the big band had played jazz and/or classical music for more years than I played guitar or electric bass. Few of them had been in a rock band. After a practice or two, when I had demonstrated that I could read charts, play jazz chords, and be a solid part of the rhythm section, we began swapping musician jokes. Drummer jokes are universal, across all genres, including jazz and orchestral. Noel, who was lead trumpet (not just with the Lab Band, but also with the Sacramento Symphony), asked about rock musician jokes. The first couple I thought of were lead guitarist jokes. By the time I told the second one, he laughed so hard, he fell off his chair. Rock lead guitar jokes are identical to jazz lead trumpet jokes!

    The best drummer (and other musician) jokes are told by Hal Blaine on his "Buh-doom" album.
    Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't. -- Pete Seeger

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    Forum Member Offshore Angler's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

    How do you know it's the drummer knocking on the door? Knock, knock..knock.....knock, knock.....knock.

    What's the difference between a guitar player and a mutual fund? Someday the fund will mature and make money.

    I can go on.

    Chuck
    "No harmonic knowledge, no sense of time, a ghastly tone, unskilled vibrato, and so on. Chuck is one of the worst guitar players I know" -Gravity Jim

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    Forum Member Offshore Angler's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Ranger,

    I was playing a lot around DFW in the late 70's early 80's. Mostly the blues clubs in Oak Cliff. We ever cross paths?
    "No harmonic knowledge, no sense of time, a ghastly tone, unskilled vibrato, and so on. Chuck is one of the worst guitar players I know" -Gravity Jim

  10. #10
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Angler View Post
    How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

    How do you know it's the drummer knocking on the door? Knock, knock..knock.....knock, knock.....knock.

    What's the difference between a guitar player and a mutual fund? Someday the fund will mature and make money.

    I can go on.

    Chuck
    These are great!
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member Old Ranger's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Angler View Post
    Ranger,

    I was playing a lot around DFW in the late 70's early 80's. Mostly the blues clubs in Oak Cliff. We ever cross paths?
    I'm sure we both played in some of the same dark sticky floored gin joints. Appears there's far less of 'em today huh?
    I forgot what I was going to say...

  12. #12
    Forum Member Old Ranger's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    And I wasn't being hostile boys. Didn't you see that little smiley face guy laying down laughing?
    I forgot what I was going to say...

  13. #13
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    I'm sorry, Old Ranger. I was afraid we were offending you. Glad it's okay,
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member Laker's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    How do you get a trombone player off your front porch???? Pay him for the pizza!

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    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Wade (Old Ranger) is one of the nicest men I've ever kown. You all can be sure that nothing he says is meant to be killjoying or Ill-humored... A true friend to anyone (good) who crosses his path. We've been friends for quite a while.

    Just saying!

  16. #16
    Forum Member Old Ranger's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by ch willie View Post
    I'm sorry, Old Ranger. I was afraid we were offending you. Glad it's okay,
    Its always the drummer that gets picked on, but not me. I pack a 45.

    Naw, I was basically having a little fun. Ya can't "hear" the whimsical vocal tones on these contraptions, otherwise you'd know I was just being a goof! Now if I was really bent outta shape, I'd move in next door and your lawn would die! Ha!
    I forgot what I was going to say...

  17. #17
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    I got your Dinky to show up.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member Old Ranger's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    I don't know how you did that but your lawn is safe!Thank you...
    I forgot what I was going to say...

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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ranger View Post
    Its always the drummer that gets picked on, but not me. I pack a 45.

    Naw, I was basically having a little fun. Ya can't "hear" the whimsical vocal tones on these contraptions, otherwise you'd know I was just being a goof! Now if I was really bent outta shape, I'd move in next door and your lawn would die! Ha!
    Thank God.

    You pack the 45 I mean.

    I like those. Lots of whoosh, great thwack, and easy on the hand.

    Good taste.

  20. #20
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ranger View Post
    I don't know how you did that but your lawn is safe!Thank you...

    You're welcome.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  21. #21
    Forum Member Doc W's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Q: How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: One to change the bulb and ten to stand around sneering and saying "I could to that!"

    Q: What do you call a guitar player with no girlfriend?
    A: Homeless

    Q: How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?
    A: Put sheet music in front of him

    There are just sooo many..
    "The beauty and profundity of God is more real than any mere calculation."

  22. #22
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    This one is cruel.

    What has nine arms and sucks?

    Def Leppard



    New Rock HoF inductees. They’re a great bunch of players but I just can’t get into them.
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

  23. #23
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    A man asks the devil: “how much does it cost to be the greatest guitar player in the world?”
    The devil says: “Give me your Soul.”
    The man asks: “What can i get for a dollar?”
    Devil: “Greatest bass player in the world.”

  24. #24
    Forum Member Offshore Angler's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Guitar player dies and goes to Hell. Upon arrival he runs into a few deceased musician buddies of his. They start recalling the good old days, joking around and telling stories. Then, one of the guys tells him, "Yeah, its great here. We have a HUGE jam session every night. Jimmie, Stevie, Janis, and all the others, sometimes we just play for days. You'll get to play with all these cats!"

    The guitar player says, "Wow, this is Hell? I thought it would be a lot worse than this!", to which his friends reply, "Well yeah, but you've got to play through the Peavey."
    "No harmonic knowledge, no sense of time, a ghastly tone, unskilled vibrato, and so on. Chuck is one of the worst guitar players I know" -Gravity Jim

  25. #25
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    heh heh heh I like it

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    Forum Member Old Ranger's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    You do know why they have Peavey amps in hell right?
    Because no other amp could stand up to the environment! Peavey amps are indestructible!
    I forgot what I was going to say...

  28. #28
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?


  29. #29
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    aaiiee, the dreaded "you're doomed, can you blame someone else, no" loop

  30. #30
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?


  31. #31
    Forum Member DanTheBluesMan's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    good one, Sergio

  32. #32
    Forum Member OldStrummer's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    That's one I'm going to copy, Sérgio!

  33. #33
    Forum Member S. Cane's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    You’re welcome =D

  34. #34
    Forum Member Offshore Angler's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    He he, that one made me laugh.
    "No harmonic knowledge, no sense of time, a ghastly tone, unskilled vibrato, and so on. Chuck is one of the worst guitar players I know" -Gravity Jim

  35. #35
    Forum Member jrgtr42's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    What's the difference between a sax player and a lawnmower?
    You can shut off the lawn mower (alternative: the lawnmower eventually runs out of gas.)

    What's the difference between (insert any instrument) and a pizza?
    The pizza can feed a family of 4.

    What's the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?
    The bond will eventually mature and earn money.

    How can you tell a bass player is out of tune?
    His fingers are moving.
    ********************************
    "Do you call sleeping with a guitar in your hands practicing?"
    "It is if you don't drop it."
    - Trent Lane, Daria, Episode 1-2.

  36. #36
    Forum Member ch willie's Avatar
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    Re: Musician Jokes?

    Quote Originally Posted by jrgtr42 View Post
    What's the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?
    The bond will eventually mature and earn money.
    Ha ha
    If we'd known we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.--George Harrison

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