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Thread: songwriters' lounge

  1. #121
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Nice, chucko. Those are shaping up. I like how that 3rd verse starts in "The Others." :yay (or whatever it's called)
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  2. #122
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    "Something Comes Over Me"

    Have you ever left something behind
    That follows you everywhere?
    Do you ever find that you sense a presence
    When there's nobody there?

    The first time I heard her voice
    She stole a piece of me
    That sad, sad, sad, sad song
    Bittersweet, reverie

    (CHORUS)
    Something comes over me
    Something so fine
    Something comes over me
    Something divine


    Only a fool would think that kind of feeling
    Could come along twice
    I guess I'm guilty of being that kind of fool
    "And I'll be guilty all the rest of my life"

    (BRIDGE)
    And I guess I'm haunted by that refrain
    It seems to ring so true
    Takes me right back to that night
    To that bar, that table, that voice, that girl
    And all the things that I didn't do

    (CHORUS)
    And something comes over me
    Something so fine
    Something comes over me
    Something divine...


    "Something Comes Over Me" Bill Knell c2006
    .................................................. ...........................
    The 3rd verse quotes Randy Newman's, "Guilty," which the lady who inspired this sang at an open mic one night, and blew my mind. Soon, I was sitting in with her. We made a helluva team- playing, singing, every damn thing we did.
    But, fresh out of a major break-up, I told myself it wasn't a good time to get serious.
    As much as I like music, and the mystery of putting a song together, I can't help but think this is the booby prize, in comparison.

    Looking back, my advice to young pickers and lovers- if you truly feel it, it's the right time.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  3. #123
    Forum Member Annie D.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Wow! NeoBaby, I wuz just ready to comment on I loved:

    "Half awake and half asleep
    Naked as the starless sky
    And twice as dark
    Twice as blue..."

    When you laid that on us. Double Wow!
    :bug

    Looking back, my advice to young pickers and lovers- if you truly feel it, it's the right time.
    but DO be prepared to suffer these damnable consequences.

    "I found myself in trouble, baby..."
    Shine your light.

  4. #124
    Forum Member Annie D.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Hey, chuckobunny: You got it now.

    Very nice.
    Shine your light.

  5. #125
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    nice one bill! it reminds me of my dreams i've been having lately. there has been a lot of my past showing up. cool song. :yay
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  6. #126
    Forum Member Annie D.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    This dark, cold, gloomy, drizzling winter- longer than the veritable 40 days and 40 nights, by far- has found me writing some sad dark tunes.

    Maybe it's therapy.

    Maybe it's just a mood.

    Maybe it's only circumstances.
    Shine your light.

  7. #127
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by Annie D.
    This dark, cold, gloomy, drizzling winter- longer than the veritable 40 days and 40 nights, by far- has found me writing some sad dark tunes.

    Maybe it's therapy.

    Maybe it's just a mood.

    Maybe it's only circumstances.
    Maybe it's all that, and more...
    Makes it almost seem, to the casual onlooker, like this wouldn't be very enjoyable.
    I just let it tug in whichever direction seems to spell something out.

    BTW-This one's very much in the style of "Poverty" by the Subdudes.
    Kind of a ruralized, "My Girl" groove.

    Thanks, you two.:yay

    My latest idea is a real cheery one, under the working title- "The Ender." :lol :blbros
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  8. #128
    Forum Member guitars247's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    the only lyrics I ever wrote that I like and that I finished

    Cloudburst


    Darkened clouds
    circling above
    a million points of dancing light
    showing off their love
    and as the first bolt of lightning strikes
    the thunder rolls deep within
    and as the day gives way to night
    the storm begins

    [chorus]
    and its a cloudburst in my mind
    nowhere to run and hide
    memories from long ago
    are tearing up the tide
    it's a cloudburst now
    better run inside

    the river has begun to rise
    the lake's crossed the damn
    in the middle of it all
    sits a single man
    and as the rain pours from the sky
    the man now bows his head
    pained from thoughts of deeds he'd done
    and the words he said
    and as the night gives way to dawn
    the storm is gone

    [chorus]

    this one appeared on a compliation CD me and my old band were working on....it is the only song I have copywritten, and whenever I attempt recording songs, it is the first one I break out.

    I wrote it while watching a thunderstorm....the second verse (the river rising verse) literally came to me in a dream
    "What would rock and roll be without feedback?" - David Gilmour

    "I stand accused, just like you, for being born without a silver spoon." - Richard Ashcroft

  9. #129
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    guitars247- I like it. Very evocative.

    Just as an experiment, try rewriting it. Not neccesarily to change it. I think it's cool as is. But just start writing the lyrics. You can make changes if you like. But see if the act of physically writing and thinking the lyrics while you do it sends your imagination off anywhere.

    Lately, I've been going at it that way. Even if it's just to clean up a draft. Things start off as scribble, get more ledgible and eventually seem to say something. It's kind of like practicing the guitar. It builds toward something you'll want to hear.
    Or it's like a trick I play on myself. I'l write, write, write, and maybe most of it won't fit with the current lyric. But it might trigger or show up in the next one.

    That lyric's too cool not to try and cook up something else.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  10. #130
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    i like it too, i have a song sort of like that.

    "the storm is coming, the waves are forming, and the water's coming up over the side of the boat" it goes on about being on a boat and the loneliness and solitude of the sea. all figurative though.

    neofauve, you seem to write like i do. i have binders full of stuff that will never see the light of day. i do however go back thru them and see if the thoughts or sentiments spark anything. or if i need a line somewhere i'll see if something fits out of the "leftover" pile.
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  11. #131
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    chucko- I never used to do it like this. Never had (or succeeded at making) the time to be consistently putting the pencil-time in.

    guitars247- in "Cloudburst," I really like how it's plenty clear what's literally happening, yet it's still open to any listener's more symbolic take, if they're inclined to hear it another way.
    Nature and weather offer lots of possibilities.:yay

    Now that chuck mentions it, I can see some similarities in one I posted above too, or a page or so back, "C'est La Vie."
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  12. #132
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    i've always written, whether it was stories, poems, or whatever. it's just natural to me to write stuff down as it comes. if i don't it'll be lost.
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  13. #133
    Forum Member guitars247's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I used to hear all these critics and reviewers talk about "the use of nature" in this person's literature/poetry/songs, etc....for symbolisms, etc....I would read what all these people said about interpreting what songwriters meant with their songs, and I thought it was crap

    till I wrote this song

    I definitely left it open to interpretation as far as symbolism, etc.....
    "What would rock and roll be without feedback?" - David Gilmour

    "I stand accused, just like you, for being born without a silver spoon." - Richard Ashcroft

  14. #134
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    i read an interview of billy corgan one time where he was asked about what he thought about people's interpretations of his songs. he basically said that he didn't care because he knew what the song meant to him and that's all that matters. he didn't want to explain it to people and thought they should think of the song what they will, he has no control over it so it wouldn't sweat it.

    i feel the same way about my stuff, and songs in general. the artist knows what he/she is trying to express. if you get it cool, if not that's cool too.

    it seems to me that people's connection to the song is going to vary. and that is the spice of life.
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  15. #135
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I only feel like I have limited control over what I might be writing about in the first place.
    I'll hear something in my head, or some line will get my attention.

    I work all around that first bit. Eventually the stuff that's appealing or that works will hang together, and it starts to form whatever it's "about."
    The surprise of what I find as I do it is half the fun, for me.

    I haven'y purposely written, from word one, "about" something since my last LIT or composition class.
    The reason that worked then was that someone told me what to write about and when it had to be done. :lol
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  16. #136
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    A big step forward for me in writing today.

    I produce very easily, often inspired by a picture, a memory, a phrase from a poem or song... like the "Remembrance," all I need is a bite of a madeline and a pile of stuff comes rushing out. My biggest problem is it always happens when I'm doing something else.

    Today, I had one of those flash rushes, where the structure and all the main ideas for a potentially good song flooded my head while I was editing live interviews for a series of radio spots. So, guess what?

    I stopped what I was doing for 10 minutes and wrote it all down. While I did, a cool chordal thing occurred to me, and so I closed the file I was working on, opened a new one, and recorded two minutes of a potential piano part that goes with it.

    No more than a standard corporate coffee break, and something cool in the can. Man, I just gotta learn to do that more often.

  17. #137
    Forum Member Jesse S.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    A question about rhyme. I always was told to avoid trite rhymes - you know, "moon/June/spoon", etc. I once read a songwriting book by John Fogerty that really hammered on this point.

    But recently I've been thinking that it's ok to use simplistic rhymes - *if* the rest of the lyrics are clever. This really hit me when listening to some songs by Jonathan Coulton, especially this one:

    Chiron Beta Prime

    He rhymes year/cheer, Prime/mine, and eyes/tries. (And I think he may have run out of rhymes in the last verse!) But each individual line is pretty cleverly written, I think. So for me, it really works, and probably eases the songwriting chore of having to think up unusual rhymes.

    Your thoughts?

  18. #138
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I like it a lot. Very clever songwriting, although the brit-pop progression is just a hair too off-the-shelf.

    Here's an awesome line from Donald Fagen with a similar sci-fi spin:

    "We reach the Sprangle just at dawn;
    These little streets I used to know.
    Is that my father mowin' the lawn?
    Come on, daddy... get in, let's go."

    A huge picture gets drawn out in four simple lines, and when the chick singers pick up the last line, transforming Fagen's ghostly vision of his father into an R&B chant, it's totally awesome. It rhymes "know" and "go." I mean... so what? It's the content, the poetical rhythm, the resonance with the listener's personal collection of cultural references, not the rhyme.

    The problem with those trite rhymes is that they've been used in a million trite songs. If Elvis Costello rhymed "moon" and "spoon," you'd never even notice, because you can bet the rhyme wouldn't be used in a sappy love song that substituted easy rhymes for smart thinking.

  19. #139
    Forum Member Jesse S.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by Gravity Jim
    The problem with those trite rhymes is that they've been used in a million trite songs. If Elvis Costello rhymed "moon" and "spoon," you'd never even notice, because you can bet the rhyme wouldn't be used in a sappy love song that substituted easy rhymes for smart thinking.
    Yep, I think that's it. Guilt by association, I guess.

    Coulton definitely does wear his influences on his sleeve (TMBG, Fountains of Wayne, etc.), but I think you'd like his stuff, Jim. A lot of these songs are part of his "Thing a Week" experiment, which is a song posted to his weblog every Friday, so some are a bit derivative, but I've been enjoying them.

  20. #140
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    He may rhyme "eyes" with "tries," but he also wrote,
    "And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow. It’s like a Winter wonderland."
    I have to remember to sing this by the nnatural gas yule log this year!

    I like how he used fairly stock parts to build something kind of subversive. "Did I say overlords?"

    One at a time, words are pretty inert. The ones that happen to rhyme at the end of a line just help give the whole thing form. If what's going on around the rhymes does nothing but keep time, the snazziest rhyme probably won't mean jack.

    Take this for example:
    "You are my fire
    The one desire
    Believe when I say
    I want it that way"

    ????
    Actually, that's not an example of snazzy rhyme. It's just 4 last syllable fending for themselves in the land of airbrushed puberty.
    A song you're liable to hear anywhere...
    Man, that fire/desire couplet really makes my skin crawl.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  21. #141
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    NeoFauve, I dig the line that uses the "easy" rhyme even better: "Not everybody's good, but everybody tries." Now, there's a word of truth wrapped up as the punchline to a sweet little joke.

    But that Backstreet thing... gack. *choke* "Does nothing but keep time:" Exactamundo.

    So, as an exercise, let's all write two lines rhyming "fire" and "desire" that might have come from an interesting song. I'll go work on my couplet....

  22. #142
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by Gravity Jim
    NeoFauve, I dig the line that uses the "easy" rhyme even better: "Not everybody's good, but everybody tries." Now, there's a word of truth wrapped up as the punchline to a sweet little joke.
    That song is packed. I have to explore his other stuff.
    Thanks for hipping me to that guy, Jesse. (dear departed "thumbs-up smilie here.)

    Jim- I think the thing about that Backside Boys rhyme that really stokes my "ire," (get it? ) is that both words are potentially, really juicy.

    Maybe the key is simply reversing the sequence. ??

    "You say you don't love me, girl you can't hide your desire
    'Cause when we kiss, Fire"
    -FIRE by Bruce Springsteen

    "Hey little girl is your daddy home
    Did he go away and leave you all alone
    I got a bad desire
    I'm on fire"
    - I'M ON FIRE by Bruce Springsteen

    The accelerant, in these examples- the "desired" female, drenches the kindling of basic male lust.
    Apply friction, and POOF!!! "Fire!!"

    The words are ridiculously similar, but one's playful, summer night fun, the other's dealing in darker stuff.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  23. #143
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    i finally got a new song up on my myspace account, you can listen to it here http://www.myspace.com/the5percenters it should load first, and if you want listen to the other songs. i will note (being really honest here) i was a little too drunk to be singing...and it was recorded at about 2 am with some of my friends who attended an open house at the recording studio i'm working at. not a great take, but it gets the point of across, and i was tired of the other songs.

    hope you guys enjoy!
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  24. #144
    Forum Member moonpie's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    That sounds fine, Chuck.

    Great recording and story line
    If you leave the house, you're just asking for it.

  25. #145
    Forum Member telecast's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Very nice Chucko.
    A friend in need is a good reason to screen your calls.

  26. #146
    Forum Member Wilko's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I haven't written in quite a few years but want to get back into it.

    A few weeks back a fellow musician of some notoriety in San Diego died suddenly so I decided to write a tribute tune. I tried to make it sound like I remember his old band "The Beat Farmers" sounding and tried for some of his attitude in the theme. Tributes can get so "lame" sometimes...

    I hope this one hit the right notes...

    www.ewilkins.com/music/blue.mp3

  27. #147
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Your voice kinda' reminds me of Alejandro Escovedo, the grind and mood of the songs too.
    Cool chucko.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  28. #148
    Forum Member Wilko's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    That's weird... I just did a show on Friday (cinco de Mayo) with his brother Mario Escovedo. Small world.

  29. #149
    Forum Member moonpie's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Good Job Wilko
    If you leave the house, you're just asking for it.

  30. #150
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by Wilko
    That's weird... I just did a show on Friday (cinco de Mayo) with his brother Mario Escovedo. Small world.
    Spooky
    But I was responding to chucko's tunes.

    Nice job on yours too. Nice playing!! The grittiness makes a fine tribute.
    The melody and the cadence of the lyrics have an early Los Lobos feel- which is good thing, in my book.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  31. #151
    Forum Member Wilko's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Still spooky, Mario and I played some Los Lobos tunes...

  32. #152
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by Wilko
    Still spooky, Mario and I played some Los Lobos tunes...

    Now you're starting to freak me out.

    And damn, there sure are plenty of musical Escovedos.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  33. #153
    Forum Member Wilko's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    ...they are musical people. ;)

  34. #154
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    wilko, diggin it man! i had wait til today to listen to it.
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  35. #155
    Forum Member guitars247's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    my mom finally brought me some stuff from her trip to Austin, Alejandro Escovedo was on the cover of a "Austin Music" magazine she picked up from Ray Henning's Heart of Texas store.....I laughed when I saw the cover and there he was.....

    an update on the songwriting

    Going back and finishing a bunch of songs i had never completed, I put the finishing touches on about 20 songs in the last few days....also, have written 4 new ones, one completely new, 3 already had music but I finally put words to them.

    The creative output has been getting better each time......check out the chorus from my most recent accomplishment:

    Feel the air
    It's colder now
    Here's the chill
    I've got to fight somehow
    I'm going under
    Is it all in my mind
    One thing's for sure
    I'm giving up this time.


    Hope to have some .mp3's of the new stuff on soundclick soon.....

    I think this latest creative boost has been spurred on by a re-listen to the Beatles catalog. I have been going back through stuff from Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt Peppers, Magical Mystery, etc.....and it has kicked in this whole new songwriting spurt for me. The Beatles always do that, after listening to "Day in the Life", "I'm Only Sleeping", and "Girl" and songs like that I can't help but start cranking out new material.
    "What would rock and roll be without feedback?" - David Gilmour

    "I stand accused, just like you, for being born without a silver spoon." - Richard Ashcroft

  36. #156
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    cool beans 247!

    here is a new one i wrote the othe day on my buddy's magic guitar

    how much longer must we make the same mistakes?
    playing games with eachother, trying to save face
    we're not so different, we guard eachother's hearts
    it's hard to be pushed away, then torn apart

    the birds pecked out the eyes of a cat that's not yet dead
    he laid dying in the drive, til i put a bullet thru his head
    i wait for the pictures, you promised to send
    the sun's going down now, will it rise again?

    (bridge)
    you're trying to paint a picture of virtue
    but the lines are starting to blur
    and that's who you always were
    untrue

    a cool wind blows thru the scree, i still have you on my mind
    i wait here on the porch, all i have is time
    we're not so different, we guard eachother's hearts
    it's harder to be pushed away, then torn apart
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  37. #157
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Where's the damn thumbs-up smilie when you need him? (:yay)

    Very cool stuff, guys.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  38. #158
    Forum Member guitars247's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    new one I am working on now, all I need is a damn chorus and it is done, but I am struggling with the chorus

    Hey baby
    I know what you're thinking
    But this shame in my eyes
    Has nothing to do with you

    Hey baby
    Better start believin'
    Cause I'm not the only one
    With better things to do

    (insert chorus here)

    Hey baby
    I heard you heart is sinking
    Cause that ivory tower you're on
    Has crumbled to the ground

    Hey baby
    I know you think you're appealing
    But that hole you've dug yourself
    Just keeps going down


    I havent really devoted much time to a chorus, mind you, but damnit, why can't it just pop in my head and be done with it :)
    "What would rock and roll be without feedback?" - David Gilmour

    "I stand accused, just like you, for being born without a silver spoon." - Richard Ashcroft

  39. #159
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by guitars247
    (insert chorus here)
    i know exactly how you feel. i have the hardest time coming up with choruses (or is it chorusi, chori?)
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  40. #160
    Forum Member grito's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Been looking through my old lyrics with the music long forgotten. That's fine, since I think my musicianship is a little better now anyway. Tell me what you think. It's a little acoustic ditty, sort of a country ballad:

    Don't you cry
    Because you know
    I'll always be there

    And don't you shy away
    'cause you know you have something deep inside
    you shouldn't hide away
    I thought you should know

    I know I don't show it everytime
    but just remember
    I'm always yours
    Even if you don't want to be mine

    Dry your eyes my dear
    Because you know
    I'll always be there

    Don't you slide away
    Because you know
    I'm hard to sway

    So when you say goodbye
    remember,
    it's not because I wanted this to end
    And those tears
    you wipe away my dear
    are mine, or didn't you know?

    I know I don't show it everytime
    but just remember
    I'm always yours
    Even if you don't want to be mine

    I know I don't show it everytime
    but just remember
    I'm always yours
    Even if you don't want to be mine
    Last edited by grito; 05-22-2006 at 09:09 PM.
    "Power don't come from a badge or a gun. Power comes from lying. Lying big and gettin' the whole damn world to play along with you. Once you've got everybody agreeing with what they know in their hearts ain't true, you've got 'em by the balls."
    Senator Roark - Sin City

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