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Thread: songwriters' lounge

  1. #1
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    songwriters' lounge

    just figured the "arteests" among us might like to get together and rap a little on what we've been up to, new things we're trying, where we're drawing inspiration and the likes. i think ole franko did this awhile back. maybe we could talk about our lyrics? i know we all play guitar here (at least most of us do to some degree) but i figured it might do us some good to step outside of the guitar slinger persona for awhile and have a place to talk about this type of stuff.

    i'll go first if anyone cares.

    so i've been working on a new song, it's taken quite some time to get to the point that i'm at. i don't really feel inspired, but i feel like i still need to write. so i keep at it, and here is what i've been working on. i've had the chords somewhat lying around, and the progression keeps changing as i go along. here are the lyrics:

    how does it feel when your whole world's been stolen?
    asleep under a blanket of lies, held down by chains that are golden
    i pulled your doll house down from the attic and tried to save baby jesus
    and then buried him under the apple trees, so no one could dull his eyes

    three weeks of bitter pills i no longer see the forest or the trees
    so i laid my head on a blanket of needles and then saw something shining
    it was your ghost come to meet me and say "i'm dying"


    and that's all i got, couldn't seem to finish the second verse.

    so what've you guys been working on?
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  2. #2
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Cool idea, chuckocaster.

    To start with, I really like some of your imagery, especially the baby jesus and the ghostly visitation. I'm having a difficult time hearing the scansion. Perhaps it works when you hear it sung. You might track down an Olde English folk song called "She Moved Through The Fair" for some ideas on seeing the ghost of one's lover in the night. I always like to echo old songs and legends or myths when I can... gives the tunage some academic weight without being too professorial. This one is nice and chilling... she dies of the Plague, and returns to tell her still-living betrothed that "it will not be long, love, 'til our wedding day." Crrrrrrrrreeeeeeeepy.

    I've been polishing something has been inspired by Leonard Cohen and Gillian Welch. Like many of Randy Newman's characters, the singer is an "unreliable narrator:" Not a stand-in for the songwriter, but a fictional person created to make a point. It's called "Turn This World;" imagine it sung by a dark, craggy voice like Cohen or Chris Rea:

    I was born
    With something missing from my inside
    I was born with a void where the bones should be.
    Joined this world with a tissue paper thin hide.
    God made a big mistake when he made me.

    'Cause I can read
    The patterns on the big board.
    The deep band radio is loud and clear to me.
    I can feel each vibration in my spinal cord.
    I see the things that no one dares to see.

    ANd I'm gonna turn this world
    into something that doesn't hurt my eyes.
    When you know the truth, it's all that you can do...
    I'm gonna turn this world
    into something I care to recognize.
    I'll build a better one for me and you.


    There's more, but that's enough to give you the idea. The imagery is all about physicality... bones, nerves, eyes and ears. Think of it with a Gillian Welch/Chris Rea/Dire Straits minor key grind. "Tear My Stillhouse Down." "Road to Hell."

    "Turn This World" ©2004 Gravity Music/Jim Bordner (ASCAP), all rights reserved.
    Last edited by Gravity Jim; 10-06-2005 at 07:37 AM.

  3. #3
    Forum Member Kap'n's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by Gravity Jim
    Like many of Randy Newman's characters, the singer is an "unreliable narrator:"
    Stan Ridgway uses this device very effectively as well.
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  4. #4
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Thanks for the reminder, Kap'n. I really enjoyed his work with Wall of Voodoo ("Mexican Radio" plays in my head when I'm driving once in a while), and should get to know his recent work.

  5. #5
    Forum Member Kap'n's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I haven't kept up with him since he left the majors, but The Big Heat, Mosquitos and Partyball are all excellent albums.

    To get a good overview of these, a couple of WOV tracks (and the single remix of Camouflage, which is much better than the album version) you can get his "Greatest Hits" album, Songs that Made This Country Great.

    Unreliable narrators are niecely featured on the STMTCG tracks, Drive She Said, Peg and Pete and Me, and I Want to Be A Boss.

    He also does some great Jimmy Webb story/atmosphere-type songs on Salesman, Lonely Town and Walkin' Home Alone.

    Stan has great word economy and choice. Each word adds to the atmosphere, or adds a clue to to what's really going on. Great stuff to listen to driving through the California high desert region.

    Soundclips are on Amazon.
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Nice examples, chucko and Jim.
    chucko, like Jim, I'm having a little problem getting a rhythm out of yours, although I dig the hell out of the imagery.
    Jim, yours has an economy that's very appealing, and I like the consistency of the imagery (patterns on the big board, deep band radio, vibrations).

    Here's one of mine from a few years back. My partner in the band did the music. I like to go for the cinematic with the words. Imagine this sung to a fairly slow tempo gospel backing:

    Fourth Down and a Mile to Go (Blackford and Gordon BMI c 1990)

    Big man with a bumper crop, he tapdance on the tabletop
    Thinks he owns the world, thinks he owns the world
    Cool breeze from the window fan, a few bucks in the coffee can
    She's just another girl, just another girl

    Oh, hear the Devil singin', listen to the siren's song
    Think I hear the church bell ringin' so I best be movin' on
    Sunlight in my burnin' eyes, ain't got any alibis
    Think I'll go back home, find my way back home

    So tired and it's getting late, four flush and a busted straight
    Been my only friends, been my only friends
    Big game on the radio, fourth down and a mile to go
    Lookin' like the end, this could be the end

    Oh, hear the Devil singin', listen to the siren's song
    Think I hear the church bell ringin' so I best be movin' on
    Sunlight in my burnin' eyes, too bright for a compromise
    Think I'll go back home, find my way back home

  7. #7
    Forum Member Kap'n's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    So how does one go about writing a song? We're getting harassed by friends that we need to start doing original material.

    I have no problem "rewriting" song lyrics...and pretty well, too, sometimes, but when it comes to getting a blank sheet of paper, I can't come up with a concept that I think is worth writing about.
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Kap'n, my favorite quote on writing comes from Dorothy Parker:
    "Writing is easy, just sit down and open up a vein."

    I like to work backwards from the hook or main idea of the song...sort of like knowing the climax of a story then building the road that leads to it.
    A good sense of rhythm and rhyme is essential. You don't want your singer (or you, if you're singing) to have to labor over awkward phrasing and convoluted rhymes.
    An old trick is to make sure your rhyming words have common ending sounds like ee ay i oo oh so at, etc., so that you give yourself a lot of leeway and don't have to sacrifice meaning.
    Imagery and emotional connection are everything. You want the listener to experience what you're saying at very basic sensory and emotional levels as well as at an intellectual level if possible.
    One of the reasons I go for a cinematic approach is that it helps to keep things simple. After all, a good movie is simply a good story well-told.
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  9. #9
    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Wall of Voodoo is among my pleasant memories of early days of MTV.

    Me, I haven't written a tune in like 8 years or so.
    But I do find myself getting tugged at by ideas lately.
    The tunes that were any good came in chunks, with big gaps between 'em. Trying to knit them tohether was like solving a riddle or algebra or something. Solving for X. Eventually something that seemed obvious would crop up. It's a wierd and facinating process

    Seeing the Dylan thing last week kind of stoked that area of my brain again. I need to dig up my little cassette recorder.

    Lots of vivid imagery, chucko & Jim.
    That phrase "so no one could dull his eyes" arriving there just screwed the whole thing into my forehead.
    It has weight to it by itself. It's vague but juicy, so at the end of the verse it it starts taking you somewhere, but it's still not too specific.

    I read a movie review that used the words "loaded like a raindrop" to describe something. I don't remember what. I got hung up that idea, all that a raindrop can be, or can do. You know, cleansing, quenching, rust, decay, floods, destruction, life.
    I cobbled a poem together around "loaded like a raindrop" just to put those four words to use.
    Never got around to turning it into a song.

    That's how "so no one could dull his (the baby jesus) eyes" struck me. It's a very pregnant little clump of words. That would be the line that would be haunting me.

    "And I'm gonna turn this world
    into something that doesn't hurt my eyes." That's the beginning of a sing along chorus right there, Jim. :yay

    Cool stuff.
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I like to write music, but I've never been good at writing lyrics. Like Kap'n, I can think of good ways to change lyrics, but I can't come up with my own at all.

    That, however, made this a fun contest:

    John Mayer Contest

    OK, I know...John Mayer...but, hey, a free Strat is a free Strat as far as I'm concerned. Besides, the concept was cool and it was fun to get to write music for lyrics that already existed. I had done that once before, with a piece I wrote that was begging for words. Since, as I said, I'm terrible at that, I took the words (but not the melody) of Magic Carpet Ride and sang them to it and it ended up pretty cool.

    Did anyone else hear about or enter this contest?

  11. #11
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Quote Originally Posted by animal chin
    OK, I know...John Mayer...but, hey, a free Strat is a free Strat as far as I'm concerned.
    true dat!

    hey man, you just got to work with what you've got. if you can write music then do that, maybe find someone to help you write some lyrics...just an idea.

    jim,

    i really dig those lyrics, very nice. i too create a narrator, but i think it's a little different than what you're talking about. it's more of an alter ego, i think of it as "me" but uninhibited by outside forces and expectations. if that makes any sense at all. i'll check out that song. awhile ago i reworked "god rest ye merry gentlmen" and added my own lyrics to it. the chord progression just kills me, the lilt and feel of it are amazing. so i used that as a starting place.

    and i know sometimes it might be hard to read my lyrics and get the pattern of the rhyme. i usually write the way i talk, and if i need to cram in some extra syllables then i do it. i know this doesn't make my stuff pop accessible, but that's okay with me cause i feel more like a writer and less like a singer.

    mkg,

    i dig your song too, i get a feeling of sitting in a dive bar, smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking old crow or something like that. somewhat wistful.

    kap'n,

    to kind of answer your question, well, i just write stories that to me are interesting. it all depends on what appeals to you. i usually take things that have happened in my life and put a spin on them. the stuff about baby jesus is rooted in that when i was a little kid i used to take baby jesus out of the manger of the nativity and play with him like my GI Joes and other toys i had. my mom used to get pissed but i would tell her that "we are friends" and just having a good time. there are apple trees in my backyard, so i thought about me as a little kid, and how we have so many more responsibilities as adults. and how sometimes we learn things in life that kill the magic we had as kids. then just came up with the first verse. the second verse is about me coping with it.

    so all of this to write a song. and like i said i feel more like a story writer and less like a musician. but then again i'm a musician also so i set it to music. bob dylan is a huge influence on me, and i think that's why i leave a lot of things vague, that way people who listen to it can fill in the blanks and apply it to their life. cause we all kinda go thru the same shit, so there's a general sympathy i think we all feel for eachother. cause nothing is ever really new.
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  12. #12
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    mkg, thanks, sir. Yes, consistency of story, of voice, and of imagery is my main concern when writing. This is all viscera and electronics. Think of him as a paranoid delusionist painted by Geiger, half man, half machine. The later verses reveal him to be overloaded with information, and perhaps more dangerous than the first verse hints at.

    I like yours too, a lot. Your imagery is solid and musically expressed ("he tapdance on a table top" and "four flush and a busted straight" are both really swell). It reminds me a little of one of my own called "Deep Pockets." I'll have to dig it out of a file, thought... a couple of the crucial words escape me right now.

    NeoFauve, it really IS a sing-along chorus. The words "And I'm gonna" are a pick up to the one, and the hook "Turn This World" get one beat apiece: Turn (1) This (2) World (3). So it has a real "blam blam blam" feel as you go into chorus.
    Last edited by Gravity Jim; 10-07-2005 at 10:53 AM.

  13. #13
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Well, I couldn't find "Deep Pockets," but ran across this on the way. It's just the first verse and chorus... there is another verse and bridge. Musically, think of Fountains of Wayne/XTC. It's called "Oceanic."

    I’m with this girl
    Crystal is the name she chose
    Parents named her Joan
    Changed it last May and burned all her clothes.
    She’s in touch
    She’s in tune
    Got her cycle in synch with the phase of the Moon.
    At Christmastime, she loved me, but now I’m
    not
    so
    sure… my girl’s gone

    Oceanic
    She’s got that look on her face again
    Like she can’t tell where she leaves off and the
    Universe begins… my girl’s gone
    Oceanic
    And says that college is just a bore…
    Well, if she’s now one with the whole damn world.
    Then what in the world would she
    need
    me
    for?

    "Oceanic" ©2001 Jim Bordner/Shoshin Songs (ASCAP), all rights reserved.

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    Forum Member NeoFauve's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Jim- I read your lyric before I read the 1st paragraph. I definitely hear the UK influence. Richard Thompson came to mind. He's a guy who'd write about "her cycle."

    I guess this one's sort of my "All Along The Watchtower," the way it rambles along and the chords go round and round.
    Dylan was most definitely a factor. I was listening to Blood On The Tracks in my truck while X-mas shopping :lol when the first verse came to me.

    Scarves And Mirrors
    In the chaos of the market square
    By a table full of scarves and mirrors
    The silk the sun and her were one
    I was trying to get near her

    She turned to leave, she disappeared
    A silken cloud around her
    Dream after dream she slips away
    Tonight I’ll dream I’ve found her

    Like a feather I’ve been blown
    A dark cloud I’ve come and gone
    Where the weather would abide me
    No compass to guide me
    And I swear
    The winds that come to fill these sails
    Drifted through her hair
    She is everywhere

    The rain hits me like razor blades
    Am I drenched or am I bleeding
    Lightning strikes me to remind me that
    Up ahead lies what I’m needing

    I find myself in a small café
    In a town where no one knows me
    Alone and cold and soaking wet
    To a table kindness shows me

    When all my dragons have been slayed
    Will this damzel still distress me
    Was the there hope at all, or was she just
    Some notion that possessed me

    Like a feather I’ve been blown
    A dark cloud I’ve come and gone
    Where the weather would abide me
    No compass to guide me
    And I swear
    The winds that come to fill these sails
    Drifted through her hair
    She is everywhere

    Now the street sounds like a symphony
    Turn around I swear I hear her
    But the night is playing tricks on me
    It’s only Scarves and mirrors…
    But the night is playing tricks on me
    It’s only Scarves and mirrors…
    But the night is playing tricks on me
    It’s only Scarves and mirrors…

    "Scarves And Mirrors"©1998 Bill Knell
    "Well, I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
    Elvis Costello

  15. #15
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Neo, that's really nice. I like the mythic imagery, and that you introduce the scarves and mirrors as bazaar items in the begining, and they become the well-known magician's tools in the end.

    "I find myself in a small café..." That verse made think immediately of an anecdote about Eugene Field sitting alone at a table in a restaurant. The waiter rattles off the day's specials, and Field replied, "No, I want none of those things. All I want is an orange and a few kind words." Any chance that you were thinking of the same story, or am I trying to gild the lily? :)

    Richard Thompson! How very kind of you. If only. "We're not worthy!"

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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    chucko, thanks, wistful indeed is what it is, and how I was feeling.

    Jim, Oceanic is a fine piece of writing. "...can't tell where she leaves off and the universe begins" is a great line, and an example of the consistency we've been discussing. Great lyrics!

    Neo, I really like Scarves and Mirrors. "...to a table kindness shows me" is very nice, and "Will this damzel still distress me" reveals a sophisticated sense of humor.

    This is cool, to be in the company of such fine writers.
    The free things in life are best.

  17. #17
    Forum Member Jesse S.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Wow, there's some nice lyrics being posted here. Wish I could hear them set to music!

    I went through a phase of song-writing in college, but I haven't done much since. These days I am focusing on learning my instrument, but I expect to write more later.

    I'll throw in what I consider my favorite of all the lyrics I've written. Musically, it's mostly an acoustic guitar hard strummer, but it had a *killer* Eagles-style electric guitar intro, which I came up with by singing it and then learning it on the guitar. I think I was listening to a lot of Barenaked Ladies and Elvis Costello at the time, and looking at this now, I can see the lyrical inspirations there. I wrote this around '94 or '95, when I was about 20.

    "Little Kids", Copyright ©1994-2005 by Jesse Smith

    When I was ten, we snuck a peek at the books beyond our ages,
    Snickered at the dirty magazines and stole the middle pages.
    We didn't know what it meant, but we knew it was above us.
    We were little kids trying to be big.

    When I was seventeen, I fell in with a girl, oh my Lord,
    She made me say I loved her, but she wanted so much more.
    She didn't know what it meant, but she knew it was above her.
    She was a little kid trying to be big.

    When I was nineteen, I went to school and drank me a couple of beers.
    Got busted by a boy just a couple turns my senior but old beyond his years.
    He didn't know what it meant, but he knew it was above him.
    He was a little kid trying to be big.

    Run around, run around
    You must be compensating for something
    Run around, run around
    Find yourself a hole in the ground
    Run around, run around
    Or dig yourself a hole in the ground
    Run around, run around
    Lay yourself in a hole in the ground
    Run around, run around
    Burn yourself in a hole in the ground
    And fade away
    Fade away
    Fade away

    ...I never did find a good way to end it. I don't really dig the ending anymore, but I love the wordplay in the verses. (This actually is an entirely autobiographical song, if a bit self-righteous in my youth! :) )

  18. #18
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    i really like how the third line in each verse says "above" whoever it is talking about at that point. very cool to keep that going, the sense of there's something more to something, but not quite knowing what it is.

    endings for me also are the hardest thing to write.
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  19. #19
    TFF Stage Crew
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    This is one of my favorites of my own--unfortunately my only recording of it has weak drumming--I tried to get him to do a Daniel Lanois kind of thing, and it was beyond him. Click the title to listen.

    My favorite imagery is Storms = Change. This song is about song-writing, more or less. The singer is realizing his relationship is about over, but reels more from the fact that if he'd only read the words he was writing in a diary or songs or whatever, he'd have seen the end from the beginning.

    I also love to throw references to other songs or works of music, which you'll see:

    We Are The Storm (© pc, 1999)

    It took so long for my words to mean a thing to me
    If I was wrong, I guess I'd want the world to see
    There was a time when my life was right
    There is a time and place for second sight
    We are the storm

    I turned the page and saw my life set down in black and white
    A paper cage keeping what was wrong from what is right
    I had a dream you would come to me
    And it seems it's come to be
    We are the Storm

    Clouds from the west
    Wind is rising
    Though I know the sun will surely shine
    Right now it feels like rain
    Don't you know it feels like rain

    The last word ends, white pages stretch before me
    For you and I, the waiting was the story
    Rain beats down on crimson rooves
    Look through the drops to see the truth
    We are the Storm

    Rain, Rain, go away. Come again some other day.


    :)

  20. #20
    Forum Member The Nazz Are Blue's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    This thread's cool! Some good stuff being shown. I've been getting into lyrics more and more lately. I think I'ma go jot some down pretty soon cause you folks have got me all inspired

  21. #21
    Forum Member cooltone's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    This is a really cool thread. It's almost like a jam zone thread without the jamming.

    I am going to take some time to read through all of the ideas posted here. I read Chucko's and bits and pieces of some of the others.
    I consider myself an entry level songwriter and have a few of my songs recorded.
    I went through a phase where I wanted my lyrics to be deep, dark and maybe a bit vague..open for many interpretations..most of those ideas came from failed relationships both past and present. (being depressed lends itself to a lot of creativity!)

    For this tune, I decided to be direct, to the point and a bit tongue and cheek. My inspiration was me and a bunch of musician friends lamenting the passing of our glory days or how many of us 'family men' still aspire to be 'rock stars' at age 30-40 although our time has probably passed us by. It's called "Domesticated"

    Can't find a clean shirt, I don't want to go to work
    Why'd ya have to find me a job?
    Old lady's such a nag, why's she got to be a drag?
    I'm happy just being a slob.

    Chorus:
    Can't you see? What this kind of life is doin' to me..
    I'm a legend in my own mind, so if you don't mind..
    stop crowding me

    Frustrated....Domesticated.

    Pass me the remote babe, I'm almost all out of smokes
    You know I'd get it if I could reach
    Can't write or spell at all, honey, could you hold my calls?
    I'm practicing my oscar speech.

    Chorus

    You know it don't mean a thing, I'm staring at my wedding ring
    you know I ain't goin' nowhere
    'Baywatch' is on at five, then you'll see me come alive
    forgive me if I drool and stare

    Chorus

    This 2 minute demo features a female vocalist, so the gender changes apply. let me know what you think!
    http://webpages.charter.net/cooltone/domesticated.mp3
    "If you're cool, you don't know nothin' about it. It just is...or you ain't." - Keith Richards

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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Jesse, I dig (pun intended) the "hole in the ground" mantra at the end of yours, and the line about stealing "the middle pages."

    pc, the "paper cage", the "dream", and the "storm" present a good command of imagery, nice work.

    cooltone, the self-deprecating humor in yours is quite effective. I like the direct approach, it's refreshing.

    Here's another of mine. My bandmate and songwriting partner wrote the music for this one, I wrote the words...imagine a fairly fast tempo Chuck Berry/Stones r&r tune. It's r&r fluff, but the challenge was to make it singable while packing a shipload of words into it, using internal rhymes, and telling a little story:

    She Said Yeah (c 1990 Blackford and Gordon BMI)

    The joint was hoppin', I thought I'd drop in, that's when I saw her in the corner alone
    I tried to move in while she was groovin', maybe talk her into takin' me home
    She knew for certain that I was hurtin', 'cause I was flyin' by the seat of my pants
    I couldn't charm her, could not disarm her, but when I asked her if she wanted to dance
    She said yeah...yeah...yeah....yeah

    The band was rollin' and we were strollin', I think we did the Jerk and Watusi, too
    We did the Monkey, got good and funky, there wasn't any dance that she couldn't do
    I made my mind up, I took my windup, my heart was poundin' like you wouldn't believe
    I hesitated, she stood and waited, and when I asked her if she wanted to leave She said yeah...yeah...yeah...yeah

    I said, "Now honey, I got no money, I'm just a guy who tries to live for today, And I don't know much, but there is so much I'd like to tell you if I knew what to say."
    She said, "Don't worry, no need to hurry, it takes a little time to make a new friend"
    I said, "Well baby, I thought that maybe we'd get together and go dancin' again"
    She said yeah...yeah...yeah...yeah
    The free things in life are best.

  23. #23
    Forum Member The Nazz Are Blue's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    mkg, those words flow together real smooth. I like :yay

  24. #24
    TFF Stage Crew
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Yeah, great stuff in here. Chuck-0, mkg, Neo, Cooltone, Jesse, Jim B.--everyone. I'm really enjoying this read.

  25. #25
    Forum Member Rickenjangle's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    MKG, I love the internal rhymes, plus the meter is very nice, kind of pulls you along.

    Here's one of mine. You'd have to hear it to see how the words flow. I didn't spend a ton of time wordsmithing this; I just wanted it to be more...unstudied, I guess.

    Bella’s Dream

    Bella dreams of butterflies, Bella dreams of rain
    She sees her friends in constellations
    With their soothing situations,
    Bella dreams of gain.

    Her eyes, they shimmer just like tidal pools
    Her raven hair begs to be run through
    By my nervous fingers, while her smile lights my world
    ‘N once in awhile the musical sound of a giggle bursts forth
    From within

    Bella dreams of all the things money just can’t buy
    She sees each one from the inside
    ‘N she laughs at the magic carpet ride
    Yeah Bella dreams of sky

    Her ruby lips ask me a question
    And the answer is found in my heart
    Which beats so wildly, like to leap from my chest
    And all the while she knows the answer is found within

    Bella dreams of butterflies
    Bella dreams of rain
    Bella dreams of butterflies…

    Words and music by JohnnyB for Rickenjangle Records

    "I'm gonna find myself a girl
    that can show me what laughter means
    And we'll fill in the missing colors
    In each other's paint-by-number dreams..."

  26. #26
    Forum Member chuckocaster's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    :yay

    i gotta say i'm really glad this is taking off, it's a lot of fun for me to see what others are up to. it's cool to see people who you know off a forum put up stuff that let's you a little more into who they are as people.


    here's one i'm really proud of, it's one of those songs that came together real fast. i guess we'll call it "we've always had eachother"

    (section A)
    when did it all become this easy, to build Rome in a day?
    the postcard you sent me, said it had always been this way
    (section B)
    and now since you left, it's easier to see
    how funny we were as children, and nothing ever comes for free

    driving around late at night, i get what she's talking about
    down what used to be a country road, the trees still block her house
    she goes down town to dance with the queers, it's easier than giving her heart away
    but she still craves a night time touch, but doesn't have the heart to say


    that we've always had eachother,and that's been the key
    we still have our secrets, and that's what sets us free
    we've always had eachother

    somewhere i lost my eloquence, in all those wasted nights
    when the snails were my only friends, and i didn't have the will to fight
    i'd sit down write you poems, and promise you a ring
    but it's the same small town same big dreams, and none of it means a thing

    chorus to fade out

    it's at about 60bpm here's the music in case you want to hear it set to it. each note of tab gets an 1/8 note.

    section A
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    --------14-------------14-------------13-------------13-------
    ----11-----11-----11-------------12-----12-----12-----------
    12-------------12---------12-14-------------14---------14---
    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    section B

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    --------16-------------16-------------14-------------14--------
    ----14-----14-----14-------------12-----12-----12------------
    16-------------16---------16-14-------------14---------14----
    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------R
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------E
    --------14-------------14-------------13-------------13-----------P
    ----11-----11-----11-------------12-----12-----12---------------E
    12-------------12---------12-14-------------14---------14-------A
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------T

    chorus chords: Bm, D, A, E beats on each, last time hang on D

    i hope that makes sense to ya'll.

    and i'd like to say again, awesome job on everybodie's part. there are some really great ideas, songs, and lyrics in this thread! great job everyone!

    okay i tried to edit this so you could see easier how the chords line up with the lyrics, but it would squash them all down. so think of it like this, in the verses the commas are the bar line, sort of. and the same kinda goes for the chorus. i think you'll get the gist though. you guys aren't complete es... :lol
    Last edited by chuckocaster; 10-08-2005 at 01:06 AM. Reason: because i'm a :da who can't figure out how to get the chords to line up with the lyrics...
    "don't worry, i'm a professional!"

  27. #27
    Forum Member frank thomson's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    i just found this thread....and there's some really great stuff here....really.

    chucko sent me a demo, and i'll admit, i'm a big fan... very *indie*, and i'm surprised how much i like his stuff. :yay

    a lot of this stuff in this thread reminds me more of poetry, in a literal sense, not a musical sense, .....real good.....i tend to rhyme cat w/ hat, so no rocket science here, but here's one..(and it really does rhyme in song, although it may not read well)...

    ==================================

    DID I LOSE A BET?
    (c) 2004 F Thomson

    well my crappy job, has no advance
    can't get no raise, but i'm working hard at the plant
    might as well add a day including drive time
    don't even have a parking spot that i can call mine
    my stoopid boss takes all the credit
    all this stress is giving me a headache
    prayin i get fired, but who'll pay the bills?
    uh-oh, not again, i'm standing on the window sill

    CHORUS
    well did i lose a bet, i don't remember betting
    i'm stuck w/ these cards i don't remember getting
    my future seems locked, 40 years at 40 hours
    idiot wife, stoopid kids and wilted flowers
    seriously...did i lose a bet?
    did i lose a bet?

    well i'm headed home, `nother day, another dollar
    open the door to see my kids friends in the parlor
    watchin TV till their eyes fall out their sockets
    got more holes in their heads than dollars in their pockets
    no future making minimum wage down at the drive-in
    when they end up in prison, they'll get their education
    tatoos blazin, the ink went to their brain
    guess if you can't take a joke, you better take a train

    CHORUS
    well did i lose a bet, i don't remember betting
    i'm stuck w/ these cards i don't remember getting
    my future seems locked, 40 years at 40 hours
    idiot wife, stoopid kids and wilted flowers
    seriously...did i lose a bet?
    did i lose a bet?

    BREAK
    well my idiot wife don't help the situation
    shopping all the time just adds to my frustration
    well look at my face, does it look like i'm joking?
    the only good thing is that i quit smoking
    smoking...smoking...smokinggggg....

    CHORUS 2x's
    well did i lose a bet, i don't remember betting
    i'm stuck w/ these cards i don't remember getting
    my future seems locked, 40 years at 40 hours
    idiot wife, stoopid kids and wilted flowers
    seriously...did i lose a bet?
    did i lose a bet?
    ===============================

    and if you wanna hear a complete demo of mine, go to MEMBERS LINKS AREA and check it out (it's my latest country demo called YOU DON'T HAVE TO GROW OLD ALONE)
    Imanidiot.

  28. #28
    Forum Member moonpie's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Good stuff, Guys....I'm not enough of a writer to contribute, but maybe I can put some of your suggestions to work next time an idea presents itself.
    If you leave the house, you're just asking for it.

  29. #29
    Forum Member frank thomson's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    yea.....you should....i think you'd be a good writer (or at least, co-writer), what with your insane perspective, and-all.......:lol.....prob perfect for country, too!
    =================================

    another idea for all you songwriters is having a very small minicassette, or digital recorder...(from 10-30$) and keep it with you..........you'd be surprised what comes up[ideas] during the day that you'd lose....for song ideas and such.....priceless!
    Imanidiot.

  30. #30
    Forum Member moonpie's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Thanks, Frank



    I get good ideas and a verse or two, but I just don't have the drive to see it through to a finished product. I'm LAZY!
    If you leave the house, you're just asking for it.

  31. #31
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Hey guys, just wanted to say thanks for the kind words and observations. Gotta run right now, heading down the road for an out-of-town gig, won't be back until the wee small hours Sunday morning.
    I've read the posts since my last one, but won't be able to offer comments until I get back. Suffice it to say I remain impressed with the talent all you cats are expressing. In the meantime, keep on chooglin'!
    The free things in life are best.

  32. #32
    Forum Member Rickenjangle's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I've never choogled in my whole life. I've chewed (both gum and tobacco) and googled. I've even drooled and ogled...but never have I choogled.

    "I'm gonna find myself a girl
    that can show me what laughter means
    And we'll fill in the missing colors
    In each other's paint-by-number dreams..."

  33. #33
    Forum Member thetallcoolone's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    This is a very cool thread.
    I'll be lurking in for sure.
    But I won't be participating much, how can I write in a language that I barely know? Day to day conversation is OK but to write words in a artistic way needs more knowledge of the language then I'll ever have.

    Still, for my 1st post in this thread let me show off a little and let you read what I've done last year. The inspiration was my recent separation of my 21 years partner and mother of my children.

    -----------------------
    SUSPENSE

    I've been around town
    Lookin' for somethin'
    Spent a lotta time
    Turning it around
    Where has it been?

    Met a lotta people
    Some fine and some loose
    I gotta be ample
    But I'm not a moose
    Where have I been?

    Seein' is believin'
    But we must have some faith
    It's not because we're lookin'
    That we understand

    I went away from home
    And then I came back
    Still my old demons
    Were there as a pack

    It's not about lovin'
    It's not about dreamin'
    It's more about farmin'
    My own livin'
    What have I done?

    It's not so much because
    Nothin' ever change
    But I surely believe
    That we're some kind of strange

    We know deep down inside
    Where life gets its sense
    And then we have our pride
    There's the suspense
    ----------------------

    I know the end of the second verse is very questionable but that's all I could come up with.
    It ended up being a jazzy number.
    To hear the music I thought of go here: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/song...songID=2692851
    But don't use the Soundclick player, that song was sampled at 48K and that player can't handle this rate properly.
    The modulated guitar line that sounds a bit like it went thru a leslie is the actual melody line of the singing.

    Hope I'm not offending anyone by having the nerves to write in a language that I barely possess the basics of.
    There's someone in my head but it's not me.

  34. #34
    Forum Member mgade's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Whoa, fellas. Cool reads. Might check in later for some advice..

  35. #35
    Forum Member dfs69's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    This is a way cool thread. I like writing lyrics or helping people write. I like starting with a cool title or a story and going from there. Most of my better stuff is from personal experience (IMHO). Here's some lyrics from a conversation I had with my then wife when she told me she loved me and always would, but wasn't in love with me and wanted a divorce (after 17.5 years together).

    "If you loved me"

    If you loved me-
    You wouldn't walk away,
    If you loved me-
    Find a reason to stay,
    You wouldn't turn your back upon the life we have-
    and all the love we've made,

    So if you love me, if you love me you'll stay-
    If you love me, if you love me you'll stay...

    If you loved me-
    Like you'd never love again,
    and if you loved me-
    Like you were still my friend,
    We could take them back, the dreams we had
    and the love we shared, in all our yesterdays,

    So if you love me, if you love me you'll stay-
    If you love me, if you love me you'll stay...

    If you love me-
    Four words that wound so much,
    If you love me-
    When is when enough,
    '64 SGJR
    '65 ES335TD
    '69 VIBROLUX REVERB
    '69 TWIN REVERB
    '71 PRO REVERB
    '76 LES PAUL STANDARD
    '00 LES PAUL CLASSIC PLUS
    '03 '70s STRATOCASTER

  36. #36
    Forum Member The Nazz Are Blue's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Cool song dfs69. I especially liked the last line:

    Quote Originally Posted by dfs69
    ...When is when enough
    :yay

  37. #37
    Forum Member dfs69's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Thanx Nazz. Since going thru the divorce, most of my stuff is very personal and hard to play for anyone. The only other person who has heard this or any of my other stuff is my best friend that also writes (he is awesome song writer). I guess it's like the blues, gotta have them to play them. I just wish some of the feel would find it's way into my lead playing.

    Dean
    '64 SGJR
    '65 ES335TD
    '69 VIBROLUX REVERB
    '69 TWIN REVERB
    '71 PRO REVERB
    '76 LES PAUL STANDARD
    '00 LES PAUL CLASSIC PLUS
    '03 '70s STRATOCASTER

  38. #38
    Forum Member Annie D.'s Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Here's a little rockabilly piece of fluff I've been messing with:

    Well I wasn't gonna need nobody no more, no more, no no more
    Wasn't gonna try to please nobody no more, no more, no no more
    Then you came to my door with those onyx eyes
    Smiled your smile and took me by surprise
    No I wasn't gonna need nobody no more, no more

    You had to talk for a year 'fore I'd let you in
    A few months more, till we fell into sin
    What a waste of time, now I just want more, more, more
    Shine your light.

  39. #39
    Gravity Jim
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    Whoa, so much stuff since I checked here last. Just a few comments on my faves....

    pc, I enjoy the imagery. I know you can sharpen your focus a bit, though, and create a clearer picture without goin' all literal on everybody. :)

    Frank T., dude, yours could benefit from a bit more polishing, I think, by I truly dig the "old school country tune" device on hanging the song on a humorous phrase like "Did I lose a bet?"

    mkg, I love that kind of "patter" writing, with the internal rhymes and forward motion. That would be a real fun tune to sing and to hear... again, it reminds me of one of my own, but in my song, she says, "no thanks." The song is called "Not Impressed," and was written way before the Shania Twain hit. :) It actually has more in common with the Yardbird's "I Ain't Got You" than anything.... a litany of all the reasons why this girl should fall in love with the singer, and yet, mysteriously, refuses to.

    I have a Maserati Dino with a satellite phone
    A Peruvian island that I practically own
    I got money in the bank and in my pocket, too
    I keep it hidden from the Internal Revenue
    I'm a generous tipper and impeccably dressed, but
    That girl was not... im... pressed

    First verse is about money, second verse is about worldly power, and the third verse is about the singer's personality and prowess in bed. Still, that girl was not impressed.

    And Annie, your simplicity and cleanliness really speaks. It's almost perfect.... but in a song this straightforward, does "onyx" really work? I'd look for another word... maybe not a color, but something that just communicated desire. Maybe "chocolate." :lol Or "voodoo," or something that describes the effect they had on you.

    I declare this The Best Thread On TFF!

  40. #40
    Forum Member Rickenjangle's Avatar
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    Re: songwriters' lounge

    I liked the "Onyx" in there, GJ, but I was thinking, due to the subject matter, that "bedroom" eyes would also work. Just a thought.

    "I'm gonna find myself a girl
    that can show me what laughter means
    And we'll fill in the missing colors
    In each other's paint-by-number dreams..."

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